Progress?

I hope so. This whole week was the breaking point. I had to stand up for myself and say something. And I'm glad I did. Hopefully now I can be more upfront with you guys. Hopefully you won't look at me as the weak, timid girl who doesn't speak her mind. Now that I'm growing up, I'm realizing how much I can take in and how much I can do with just speaking up. I really hoped that the talk I had with each and every one of you helped...at least somewhat. I'm glad I heard your side, & I'm glad you heard mine. I really do hope you guys are there for me, especially through a time like this. I need all the support I can get, and hopefully you guys will be there for me. Yes, I understand youre all disappointed, 'cus I am too. I know I handled everything the wrong way...but I'm learning. I just pray that you guys are patient with me...& realize I aint perfect. I make mistakes and I am trying to fix them.

I am trying to change back, or at least for the better. You guys might not see it, but that's because I'm doing it ONE DAY, ONE PERSON at a time. Just know that everything can't be done all at once. All I ask for is patience, time, and support. Nothing more. But other than that, I'm glad we got everything out...well most. I'm assuming that's not all you gotta tell me. But I'm willing to hear the rest. Thank you for not giving up on me completely. I promise, I will show some progress.

A Lot

So a lot has been going on...and I mean A LOT. Lots of school, friends, family, basketball, boyfriend. A lot of my time has been consumed by all of these things...not to mention all the small things. Well yesterday, I came to realize that everything that's been happening has been A LOT for me to handle. I pray every night that I get through every obstacle without any cuts or bruises. Everything that has been thrown at me are too much for words to explain...hence why I haven't been blogging for awhile. I don't know. Its just that every problem that I come across everyday just seems to build off the previous problem from the previous day, making things VERY hard for me to handle. But luckily I got good support and a strong backbone...my friends & boyfriend will ALWAYS be there for me. I just really hope that the mistakes I make everyday don't ruin this support of mine. I pray to God that I don't make the stupidest mistakes, 'cus "one bad choice can change the course of your life as can one good one".

As of now...

I FUCKIN HATE LIFE!

FAIL

When insecurity takes over, you'd go to friends for help right? Well that's what I did, & that was a fail -_- That feeling is still there...not the best feeling. Its hard to explain things, but its the type of insecurity you feel when you're intimidated. I don't know...everyone I seem to go to doesn't help, they just make things worse. I'm done thinking about it...but hell I doubt this feeling will go away anytime soon -_-

Unappreciated

Okay look, I understand you're mad that my friends blew up on you...wait, not even, only one. 'Cus Erin & Yasmina didn't say sh!t to you. And the fact that my brothers & your brother started yelling at me really pissed me off. 'Cus one, they had NOTHING to do with the situation, so why the f*ck were they the ones giving me crap. If anything, it should've been YOU. And two, why the f*ck are you guys giving me crap for something my FRIEND did? Like seriously...I told you guys, I CANNOT CONTROL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO. I can only control myself! And I didn't even say sh!t to you, so why the fuh you saying I blew up on you. I'm sorry, but this is stupid! We're supposed to be tight, but why the f*ck are you making this bigger than it should be. I apologized for putting the blame on you...& YOU KNOW I DID. Even Bastie read the text. ANDDDDDD I told you I had NO INTENTION of arguing with you. SO WTF?! If anything, YOU were the one going off on me. I don't know why you got mad...'cus ALL I DID was hang up the damn phone. And everything I did was because it was IN THE MOMENT. You can't honestly tell me that the way I reacted was not appropriate...because if it was YOU, I'm pretty damn sure you'd react WAY WORSE than I did. SHOOT! You probably wouldn't have hung up, you'd probably stay on cussing. BUT WHATEVER. Sure, you feel unappreciated and all...and I'm sorry you feel that way 'cus I appreciate you trying to get us in, I appreciate you getting yelled at by your dad, BUT F*CK! I don't appreciate you telling my brothers what happened and what not, I don't appreciate them yelling at me when it should've been YOU talking to me about this, and I don't appreciate for all the blame getting put on me. I TOLD YOU that I was sorry. I TOLD YOU I had no intentions of arguing with you. I TOLD YOU my friends said what they said because THEY wanted to. I DID NOT TELL THEM TO GIVE YOU SH!T! AND for my brothers to say that I could've have been the bigger person & acted differently should've been thrown back at your face. Why do I, ME, MARIAN RIA CUSTODIO, be the bigger person when it could've been you? YOU could've easily said "you know what guys, let me be the bigger person & talk to her about this". BUT NO. You sat there, watching my brothers & your brother yell at me. SO WHAT THE F*CK? Who do you think is the bigger person now, huh? ANSWER ME THAT!




P.S. Sorry but this ruins the whole mood butttt...I love you Zee! =) <33

Flakes

I don't get mad or annoyed easily, but the one thing that will piss me off more than ANYTHING is a flaker. To me, flakers are honestly the most UNTRUSTWORTHY type of people out there. When I first meet a person, I trust them. I'll admit I trust people WAY TOO MUCH. And when they eff me over, I'm the biggest emotional wreck ever! A simple "yes" or "no" answer can solve any problem. Like if I ask for a favor & you can't go through with it, PLEASE, just say "no" instead of having me wait for an answer. You see, the thing with me is that if I don't get an imidiate answer, like a "maybe" or "I'll see", I'll assume you're trying hard to make it a "yes". SO INSTEAD of wasting both our times, just gimme a straight up answer "no" if its a no or "yes" if its a yes. DON'T MAKE ME EFFIN WAIT TIL THE LAST MINUTE. I'm tired of trusting people too much. I'm tired of feeling upset when ish doesn't happen. I'm just SICK & TIRED OF FLAKERS! -_____-

If you're a flake, stay the F*CK away from me.

"Live & Learn"

What I did Saturday was a mistake, I'll admit. I feel extrememly guilty not only because what I did, but also the way people look/think of me. Fuhh...I didn't think the sh!t I did would turn out the way it did...'cus I didn't think it was "that bad". Like honestly, I feel like the biggest dumbass right now, no effin' lie. When I talked to Nick about it, he made me feel like a complete failure. I HAVE MORALS, I KNOW MY STANDARDS...why the f*ck am I not following them? I don't know...but this "badass" needs to calm the f*ck down. I'm not the same Ria I once was. I know I'm changing, but not for the better. And for people telling me what I WANT to hear rather them telling me what I NEED to hear isn't helping me. I don't know what to do anymore. I really just wanna stop. I don't want to do anything stupid that I will regret.

And honestly, I don't know why the f*ck you're mad at me for? Why are you trippin' over something I did? Like honestly, TELL ME WHY YOU'RE MAD. Don't f*ckin' try to rush me off the damn phone, like what you usually do. F*CK THAT. I just won't f*ckin' talk to you then. Like I thought I made it clear that something was wrong when I couldn't promise you everything was alright...and you didn't stay on the phone with me? Alright then, cool. Just don't f*ckin' try to guilt trip me. I already went on a ton of those ever since Saturday. And when I told you about the guilt trip your cousin put me in, how I felt "SOOOO BAD" and I gave you this long ass explanation about it and all you could say was "okay"... LIKE WTF?! THAT'S IT?! -_- And what happened to not going to bed in bad terms, huh? But whatever...I can't do sh!t.

UGHHHH! Before I would never cuss and I would never forget my morals. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm really scared now...I don't want to change into someone bad, someone who's not me. I used to be known as the "good girl", but that's all changing. I can't take back anything I've done so I'm just gonna live & learn, just move on.

I need to remind myself of my morals; no more cussing, no more doing the stuff I've been doing, no more acting like I'm in a relationship when I'm not. I just need to calm down...its getting too much for me to handle. I'm slowly losing grip of myself...

Alright, well to those who told me what I NEEDED to hear, thank you. I really appreciate you guys for talking to me and for your guys' concern.

Its late, and I said what I needed to say.

AH DAMN!

I'm really not looking for sophomore year! FUH IT! -_-

"Everything Will Be Alright, I Promise"

We've been hitting bumpy roads in this journey we are traveling, but we got through them without a flat tire. All I can think about is you and me. The way we can solve ANY problem together is pretty amazing. Although last night & tonight have been a little rough for both of us, we got through them. I hope that everything that was said these passed two nights will really benefit our friendship/relationship. We still got a long way to go, but I feel no rush. Whatever the future throws at us, whether its good or bad, we'll handle it together. Although I know A LOT about you, I want to learn MORE...I mean, it doesn't hurt to be curious. I'm glad we had this talk, even though it didn't turn out the way I wanted...but I'm content with the outcome. Hopefully, August will be an eye-opener month, 'cus I'm down to learn so much more about you. Thank you for caring so much and taking the time to talk to me. OH & thank you for reassuring me everything will turn out fine (:

I MISS YOU, HOEEEEE/BABE! ;D <3

Dear Mommy;;

Why are you so paranoid? Why are you giving me so many restrictions? I am fifteen and yet you treat me like I'm five. I'm old enough to know right from wrong. I know how to handle myself. I don't hang out with the wrong crowd, and I don't go around doing drugs or smoking. I hate the fact that you don't trust me. I recently haven't done anything to lose your trust. I understand you're only giving me rules because you care about me, but seriously...LET ME LIVE MY OWN LIFE. Honestly, your rules are VERY UNREASONABLE.

1. Can't go out with my bros & their friends- WTF?! THEY'RE MY BROTHERS! Its not like I'm hanging out with only guy friends...these boys are FAMILY. -_-
2. Get picked up from quince practice at 8- WTF?! ITS NOT EVEN DONE YET! Okay, I'm at Yasmina's house...with ADULTS THERE. We're never home alone. -_-
3. Can't go to the movies with friends- WTF?! Its just a movie...you swear like we're gonna go out partying and ish -_-
4. Be home by 9- WTF?! THAT'S WHEN EVERYTHING STARTS! FUHHH! -_-
5. Take away my phone and laptop at 9- WTF?! I don't even use these things 24/7. AND ITS SUMMER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I can stay up as long as I want 'cus its mother effin' summer! SCHOOL HAS NOT STARTED YET!!

Seriously, you got to trust me. I have SO MANY examples in my life of what not to do. I know the consequences of almost EVERY SINGLE thing you can think of. You always give me lectures of how NOT to be, and I LISTEN. You swear like I'm gonna go around and get caught up in the wrong crowd. You raised me better than that...WHY CAN'T YOU TRUST ME?! UGHHH! -________-

Missing Out

EFF IT! I feel like I've been missing out on all the fun. KERMYZ seem to be having all this fun...without me. And I'm just at home, chillin' with my bros & their friends, like a wanna-be boy -_- FML. I wanna go out! I wanna see KERMYZ like NOW! >:O Eff it. Eff it. Eff it.

KERMYZ, where the fuh are you guys at?
Where the hell is all the fun?
HIT ME UP! GET ME OUTTA THIS HOUSE PRONTOOOO! >:O

Unfinished Business

Team meeting was FAIL! A lot was unsaid. A lot of pointing fingers...just overall a mess! It lasted over 15- 20 minutes 'cus no one had the effin' balls to ask questions. We're supposed to be a f*ckin' team. Why the f*ck are we holding things back? -_- UGGHHH! COMPLETE FAIL. It was stupid, so I left. Whatevers, I guess we're having another one of these useless "team meetings" -_-. F*CK IT!

San Diego

Walnut Girl's JV and Varsity Basketball Team is currently in San Diego for the weekend. We got here yesterday and ever since then, its been nothing but FUN! But last night, I felt so disappointed...and I KNOW she knows why...hopefully she'll listen and learn...FOR REALS. I really don't want her to feel bad, because I know it could've been avoided. I know its hard to say no, but c'mon, I know you're strong. You handle worse situations at your own time. I KNOW YOU'RE STRONG, what happened last night? :/

WELLLLL ANYWAYS....
Lost game one by 4 :(
Second and third game today; 10AM & ???
More games throughout the weekend.

2009-2010 Schedule

1. AP Human Geo- Knox
2. Chemistry Honors- Yu Wong
3. English 2- Dutton
4. Algebra 2- Wendlin (MIGHT CHANGE THOUGH)
5. Spanish 1- Hernandez
6. Girls Basketball- Sandavol

Lemme know if we have a class together :D

Why Am I So Stupid?

Okay, what was done is done...I can't take back the fact that you think EVERYTHING'S wrong, when its not. I feel so stupid, like its not even funny. Its stupidity plus immaturity plus complications times 915981398! (hard math xD) ANYWAYS, what was said, I can't take back. All I can do is move forward...and hopefully you'll move with me. I didn't mean what I said last night...I honestly don't know what I was talking about. I don't know if I was PMSing or what not, but I'm taking full responsibility. I'm sorry for worrying you, I'm sorry that I can be a hand full, I'm sorry that I can be very stupid and immature at times, but hey, that's how I am. I know I might not be the perfect girl and I know I can be complicated, but hopefully you can tolerate all of that. I'm sorry for last night. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. And don't worry about a thing, I was just REALLY REALLY out of it. Please forgive me? And we can move passed this?

Dilemma

Things have been a little different lately, JUST A LITTLE. I've been having these feelings that there is always something wrong. I know we've agreed that we'll be mature about things and talk about it, but we rarely do. We'll always say "nothing's wrong" even though something is. Or we'll tell our friends about our problems and THEY'LL tell us that we have to talk about it. I really don't want to have to do that, but lately, it just seems like that's the only thing I can do. I also don't like the fact that we have so many problems when we're not even together! Another reason why I wanted to slow things down. I honestly don't want to give up on you 'cus you're by far the closest thing I have to perfection. You're super nice, but can be a jerk...but that's how I like them (; You're athletic, AKA likes to stay in shape. You're not SUPER TALL but not SUPER SHORT, perfect height for me x] You get along with my friends, most of the time xD And you already got their approval. I never met someone who has so much in common with me, but still have a little differences. Those are just a few things I like about you, and I can go on forever, but I won't.

The thing that's been bothering me is that we say we trust each other, but in reality, we barely do. I mean, we trust each other in certain things but not in ALL things. So why do we keep saying "I trust you"? I rather us be honest with each other and be like "I don't trust you 100% just YET". I'm not the type of person to say something and not mean it. I HATE it when people use the "three little words" in vain...absolutely USELESS if you don't mean it. AND the thing I don't understand is how we don't trust each other if we didn't do anything to screw each other over, ya know? Like I didn't hurt you (I hope) and you didn't hurt me, so why do we have trust issues? Honestly...I want everything back to normal, before all the "babes" and what not. Just start off fresh...back to when we first admitted we liked each other. I hope everything falls in the right places for us. I really don't want to have to give up something so rare, that would be a stupid mistake.

"& YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE!"

So apparently, my brother thought it would be cute to hold me a surprise birthday party yesterday at the park...it wasn't really a surprise 'cus my mom kinda spoiled it by telling me they're throwing me a party. Its okay 'cus it really surprised me when I saw KERMYZ and my Walnut friends come out of the restroom and started throwing water balloons and spraying silly string at me. Of course, the first thing I did was run! I got effin' soaked! AND before I got there, I took a shower -_- SOOO yeah, I was gross practically the whole day. Its okay...it was fun x] <33

& my day consisted of:
8:30AM- Woke up & ate cereal
9:00AM- Chilled for a little then got ready for my game
10:00AM- Left to Mt.Sac for my game
11:00AM- Game started, scored 8-10 points >;D
12:00PM- Game ended, won 43-17!
12:30PM- Went to Smart & Finals for last minute shopping for my party
1:00PM- Got home, showered, and got ready
2:00PM- Got to the park, KERMYZ & Walnut people start coming at me with water balloons, silly string, & water guns
2:00PM-6:00PM- Chilled at the park, got raided with water balloons by the brothers & his friends
7:00PM- Everyone started to leave, but a few of us stayed
8:00PM- Erin came back, "double date"? xD
9:00PM- Erin & Michael left, waited for my babe to get picked up, brothers & their friends came to "watch over" us, then both my parents came...WTF?! -_- I introduced Cris to them & yeaaah...awkward much?
10:00PM- Babe got picked up, we all left
10:05PM- Got home, picked up Ivy, & went to Yogurtland & Tommy's
11:00PM- Got home and chilled with Ivy
1:00AM- KNOCKED OUT

Okay NOW, my 15th birthday topped ALL my birthdays! Practically a perfect day on my REAL birthday, played my heart out in all my games this weekend, and a surprise birthday party? COULDN'T GET ANY BETTER. NO WAIT, it can ;D 'Cus I got quince practice today! :DD WOOO! I love my birthday weekend :] <33 THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR COMING YESTERDAY! I hope you had fun (: Thank you Haue for planning everything, thanks Madho for working with my brother and inviting everyone, thank you everyone for making my birthday weekend the best! I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOO MUCH & I give my greatest gratitude :] <3

Happy Birthday Ria!

So my birthday was GREAT :] <33 I loved it, it was the best birthday I've ever had! Thank you to everyone who made my day! Thank you to everyone who texted me to wish me a Happy Birthday. Thank you KERMYZ for the surprise in Gomez's. Thanks babe for being the first person to wish me a happy birthday. Thanks Kim for being the last. Overall my day, in general, was THE BEST :] <3

& so this is how my day went:
9:00AM- Woke up & got ready for summer school.
10:00AM- Left to go to Walnut & got greeted Happy Birthday from everyone x]
10:30AM- Class started, basically watched a movie the whole class.
1:00PM- Class ended, & chilled with Erin and Yasmina for a little, waited to get picked up
1:30PM- Got picked up by my brother and went to go pick up my mom
2:15PM- Got home and chilled at the house for a bit, then got ready for my basketball game
2:45PM- Went to go pick up Kathleen from St. Lorenzo's and realized I forgot my papers -_- Ended up going back home to pick them up. FML
3:45PM- Arrived at Bonita High School a little late
4:10PM- Game started, scored 6 points
5:10PM- Game ended, won 29-17 >:]
5:15PM- RAN LIKE EFFIN 93859815198698 laps 'cus we didn't reach Sandavol's "wanted" score (which was we score 40, they don't score more than 15...FML)
5:20-6:10PM- FINALLY got picked up by Karl (he took Azusa instead of Grand -_-) HAHA! & not to mention some awkward kissing by these two girls in front of me. RIGHT KATHLEEN?! xD
6:45PM- Dropped Kathleen off at Puente Hills mall for her triple date...THANKS FOR THE INVITE -_-
7:00PM- FINALLY got home. Got water balloons thrown at me by Marc, Jerome, & Bastie -_-
7:15PM- Took a shower and got ready for dinner
8:00PM- Ate at Thai Village with the family, Marc, Jerome, & Ivy. EFFIN GOT A "FOOD BABEH" (in Kathryn's words xD)
9:00PM- Got home and looked for my stupid @$$ dog 'cus we thought he ran away, but ended up being in the STUPIDEST PLACE EVER...under a house -_-
9:45PM- Left to go out with Haue & Ivy
10:00PM- Got to Cue, but they were closed. FML
10:15PM- Went to Ce'Fiore instead, which is a yogurt place x]
11:00PM- Went to drop off Ivy ALL THE WAY in mother effin' South Pasadena!
12:00AM- Got home and got ready for bed
12:00-3:00AM- Talked on the phone with babe :] Talked things out, he made me smile/laugh, overall completed my day x] <3
3:05AM- KNOCKED OUTTT!

Great day! A LOT of awkward moments, but they were all worth the laughs! A LOT of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIA!", couldn't make me feel anymore special x] Just A LOT of love in general. My 15th birthday might not be "party" status, but I enjoyed EVERY SECOND. Thank you everyone who made my day...& thanks babe for finishing it x]

LOVE YOU ALL! <3

Count Down

It is currently 8:07PM and I'm just laying in bed, on the computer, texting babe x] and I get a a comment from the bff, Kimberly Ann Montojo Acedillo, saying I'm gonna be 15 in about 4 hours. I was like "OH MY GAWD, already?!" xD Literally, I said to myself..."this is going in my blog". I don't know why, but oh well!

ANDDDDD the count down begins, 'cus it barely hit me that I'm gonna be one year older in a few hours. I honestly don't expect much...I'm just hoping that this year is better than lasts :]

"MAN UP"

Lately, I've been intimidated. I haven't been putting my best out on the court. I keep holding back. I haven't started for the passed 4 games. But no more. I need to prove to my coach that I could be the next best thing. I'm not being conceited, just confident. Seriously, if you seen me play, you would be bored. I know I'm better than what I've been showing. No more intimidation, no more being scared. I'm gonna put my best on that court and play with my heart. The only thing that's preventing me from quitting is my passion for this sport...I LOVE IT. I want this so bad, its indescribable. I'm gonna play even harder every single game from now on. Its not the end for me, I'm not gonna let that happen.

"He Just Wants To Get In Yo Pants!"

Honestly, guys these days really amaze me. They would tell a girl whatever they want to hear just to get her in bed. They would literally tell a girl "I want to kiss you" even if he just met her. WHAT THE FUH IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD?! Seriously, I get texts literally everyday from my friends saying that a guy told them he wants to kiss her. OH MY GAWDDD! People these days don't have any respect for girls at all! I swear, I SWEARRRRRR, if any guy says that to me, he'll meet my fist before getting anywhere near my lips! SERISOUSLY THOUGH, it makes me sick! And what's worse, GIRLS ACCEPT IT. WTF?! Why can't girls be like "EXCUSE ME?! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" I would want to hear that at least ONCE! Or even better, I'd LOVE to see a girl slap a guy for being disrespectful to her. SERIOUSLY, girls who accept shit like that from guys will never be respected! She has to put her foot down and set that guy straight! JEEEEEZ! Girls will keep being disrespected if they don't do something about it! UGH! -_-

OH HELLO OLD FRIEND

So you texted me last night about you not rolling anymore and I'm like "oh that's good!" ...then you told me that text wasn't for me -_- THANKS. Anyways, all I want to know if its true that you're really trying to stop now. It seems like you've been surrounding yourself with good people, people who have the courage to stick around and help you. I guess I never had that much strength to do what they're doing right now, but its good that you have them. Finally, good friends. I'm glad you're trying to get healthy again and that you want to quit? I hope you have a fun summer...but not too fun! I'm very happy to see you trying to turn your life around. I'll talk to you whenever. Lates!

Sincerely,
Ria

NO SHAME

& I came to a conclusion...Marian "Ria" Custodio has no shame whatsoever! If something's bugging me, I will surely talk about it. If I need to be somewhere, I will surely call some random person on my phone for a ride. If I'm curious, I will surely ask. If I need to spit, I will surely spit! I have no shame, I feel no embarrassment. Say whatchu want about me, I really DGAF! kay, I'm done. BYE :]

Prayer Answered

So if you don't know me, I'm a Christian-Catholic. I pray everyday, usually before I go to bed. I pray for the usuals; world peace, family & friends are healthy & safe, etc. But for the passed few nights, I've been praying for a "sign" telling me if he came into my life for a reason. I didn't know what to expect...I thought he would be just another guy. As time passed, he constantly proved that he was not just "another guy", but more; a guy with potential. I got so many signs explaining how great of a guy he was, but I didn't really take them seriously. I just wanted to make sure everything was the truth, not some fake sh_t guys usually pull -_- Then the last two nights, we talked on the phone for HOURS, and I had a smile on my face literally the whole conversation x] These signs were not enough...I needed a BIG one. AND ONLY QUINCE PEOPLE KNOW, but I did get my sign :D

OKAY, so you know how you would get this feeling if someone was right for you? Like no doubts in your mind...at all! I'm sure everyone wants to feel that feeling at least ONCE in their lifetime AND TRUST, they will. It might not be now or anytime soon...but it WILL happen. You should never lose hope. Pray & be patient...that's all it takes. God doesn't want you to be depressed of not being able to find that special someone, 'cus most likely, it will come NATURALLY. Let nature take place and you will be fine. Let everything flow and you will get the results you want. BUT REMEMBER, patience & hope...the key things you should always have.

Love,
Ria

Sick

Sick on a Friday night...how perfect! Parties here, parties there. EFF being sick -_- Can't go out 'cus mom won't lemme. Want to go out, but feeling like crap. Everytime I wake up from a nap, I wake up with a sore throat, stuffy nose, and a huge headache! I've been light headed for literally 90% of the day. Not to mention spending about 98% of my day in my room -_- The only thing that's not making me go crazy is the fact that no one's here to yell at... AND because you're holding me down...somehow. I don't know how you do it, but I'm really amazed. Being able to talk to you and not getting annoyed to having to reply to your constant texts (I'm not saying you're annoying), is truly something special. You really lighten up my day, even if there's been nothing but dullness. Thank you (:

Long Over Due

For the past few weeks, I was in denial. I didn't want to admit to my friends OR myself that what I felt was more than a "crush". People gave me constant talks saying I better hurry and tell you now before its too late, but I didn't listen to them. I wanted to make sure what I was feeling was not just infatuation. Before I would fall for guys like nothing, I didn't get to really KNOW them...now THOSE were crushes. The feeling I feel with you is different, its a feeling that you can never search for because it will find you. A few people know about my high standards I have for guys, and so far, you've proven that you fit most of them. As I got to know you better, you've always been able to fit more and more of my standards. You have not yet proven yourself that you can't handle my bullshit. What you want in a relationship is EXACTLY what I want. I think its time to admit the truth...I really do like you.

"I Need To Tell You Something"

This phrase puts a bajillion questions in your head; What's wrong? What did I do? And the list goes on...Not knowing what the person is going to tell you adds so much tension in your body, hoping its nothing bad. It also adds anxiety because you don't know what to say or how to react. It might be good news, it might be bad. Whatever he/she needs to tell you, its the way you react that counts the most.

So lets say your boyfriend OR girlfriend tells you they're moving to another city, state, or even country! How would you react? Would you react with a "Oh, that's great!" or with an "Oh..." To me, the very first thing that I would say is "Oh..." 'cus you automatically know you won't be able to see them anymore. But if you react with an "Oh, that's great!", it'll put a bajillion questions in your their head; What? That's it? They might even think you don't really care. It could even lead to a break up...but lets not get into that. But the way you react determines what happens next.

The way I reacted last night was the b*tch way to respond to what you needed to tell me. I hesistated and didn't know what to say...so like a dumb@$$, I answered with an "Oh okay..." WHO THE FUH SAYS THAT WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU GOOD NEWS?! It makes it seem like you don't care, but in reality, you do. I felt like a b*tch, dumb@$$, idiot, and so on! I really do care and I wish I could've said something more meaningful, like how I really felt towards what you said. I'm not gonna do it over text, or through phone. I will tell you as soon as I get to see you, face to face. So let the waiting begin...til tomorrow, all this guilt and b*tch@$$nees will all slide off of me, 'cus that's when I will tell you how I truly feel. (:

Love,
Ria

Slow Motion

We met around the middle of March. We kicked it off pretty well considering the first thing I said to you was "sorry, but do I know you?". xD You seemed nervous...as if I were very intimidating. I honestly think I'm the least intimidating person out there, considering my small physique. You asked questions about myself, I answered them honestly. You might not know, but your friend told me a lot about you, including the fact that you thought I was "cute". I wasn't gonna be rude to you after you just called me "cute"! xD After all the sh_t that pushed me down the previous month, it felt really good that you came around to help me back onto my feet. You wiped away the tears running down my cheeks and put a smile back on my face...and I thank you for that. I really do appreciate it.

I'll admit, I wasn't interested into getting to know you when we first started talking 'cus you caught me at a bad time in my life. Everything went wrong with school, family, friends... my love life. ALL WRONG. But you stook by me after I vented all my feelings, especially about my ex! It made me realize that YOU have potential. It took me by surprised 'cus I didn't think I'd be getting over the drama anytime soon...well it did take a little longer, but you helped me get through all the pain. I realized that you're one of those guys who has respect...I haven't really met anyone who has so much respect towards ANYONE. Then it hit me...you truly are different.

It was time to get to know you better...but that had to take a break 'cus #1: You left school a week before we got out. And #2: You left to Italy for another week. SOOOO two weeks barely getting to talk to you. Not to mention, you missed one week of quince practice! -_- During those two weeks, I felt anxious...very impatient. I had no way to contact you except through myspace. AND NO ONE IS EVER REALLY ON 24/7! I was so impatient, I wrote blogs about you. DANG, I went crazy! But after you came back from Italy, we started talking again :] The following weekend was quince practice. I got to see K.E.R.M.Y.Z and of course, you x] It was so much fun, but bowling made my day complete. You gave me a bracelet from Italy and it was beautiful :] (AKA mine IS the best one outta everyone else's) After the night was over, you FINALLY had the nerve to come up to me and ask me for my number xD Ever since that Sunday, we been texting like 24/7 x]

A LOT has changed after the first message I sent you on myspace (romantic, huh? xD), but I'm just glad you really haven't left me...after all the sh_t I've said and what people said, you still stook by me. Its now June and I still think we got a long way to go before we can actually say we "like" each other...but that's me. I really want to get to know you better, but that takes time. You might think I'm stalling but I really just want to enjoy every second I have with you, whether its hanging out with you, talking to you, or even just texting. All of the wait and "games" will be worth it, trust me x]

"You're like a Magical Doctor or Something"

So today was the first day of summer school & summer basketball. School was alright, went by pretty fast...got caught for texting xD Thank God I didn't get it taken away. BASKETBALL WAS HELL -_- I did so bad! I HATE FRESHMEN WITH A PASSION RIGHT NOW! One was chill. ANYWAYS, I'm just really scared I won't advance to JV. I really REALLY want it, BUT FUCK! FUCKIN' FRESHMEN DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY DEFENSE...OR OFFENSE! -_- It was really bad...

But luckily, I got people who were there to comfort me, AKA Kathleen Reichenberger & Cris Ruelas. They helped me so much today...I CRIED 'cus it was that bad! -_- BUT then again, I cry to everything. JK. But yeah, they helped :]

THANKS AGAIN :DD <33

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I need to bring my A game, go "BEAST MODE"! xD
Pray for me please! IMA NEED IT! Thanks :]

Love,
Ria

SUCCESS

Today couldn't be more perfect :] Slept like half the day, but quince practice was PERFECTION. We got a lot done...ish, we learned the "Gimme More" dance completely, & now we're learning our final dance next week. GOOD PRACTICE :D Bowling after was the cherry on top, the icing to my cupcake xD Although I pretty much sucked @$$ today, I wouldn't have spent it with a better group. I guess it was more of a free for all instead of a girls against boys game xD But it was fun. I talked too much smack, & what do I get? A BAD GAME -_- Ohh well...next time :]

OH & I seriously can't believe I survived a week without seeing you. PHEW! I can't wait til next week ;D

Kay, summer school & summer basketball starts tomorrow :(
WISH ME GOOD LUCK. NIGHTS :DDD <33

Love,
Ria

RE: Winners & Dreamers

"It's amazing what a person can accomplish when he realizes that the only person that can stand in the way of his dreams is himself."
-Kimberly Ann Montojo Acedillo

My best friend wrote a blog about winning & losing.
Go check it out:
http://lindseynuesaa.blogspot.com

UP

"UP" IS THE CUTEST MOVIE EVERRRRR! :D <333 So I watched it today with Yasmina, Erin, Nick, & Manny...can you say 5TH WHEEL?! -_- Yeaaah, pretty weird. lol. But the movie was sooo cute x] I give it 5 stars. After the movies, we went to Yasmina's to learn more of the "Gimme More" dance. Got MOST of it down...ish. Came home around 8.

The movie itself had SOOO MUCH MEANING. If you haven't watched the movie & want to watch it yourself, I suggest you don't read the rest of THIS PARAGRAPH. I'M SERIOUS NOW, DO NOT BLAME ME IF I RUIN THE MOVIE FOR YOU! BUT you can skip to the next paragraph :] OKAY SOOO, for example of "SO MUCH MEANING", the main character had this house that he restored with his wife. This house had so much meaning because that's where him & his wife met. After she died, he treasured that house. But he had to "let go" of this house. Basically, it tells you that you have to learn how to accept the present and let go of your past. WATCH THE MOVIE & YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.

ANYWAYS, Erin & I had a good talk. She made me realize stuff from a whole new perspective. I knew the story, but I guess I didn't know the moral. She made me realize that maybe we weren't meant to BE TOGETHER but more of STAY TOGETHER, ya know? Its like we weren't meant to be boyfriend/girlfriend status but more friend status..."i need you, you need me" type relationship. I'm glad we're in good terms, but I really hope you KNOW you can come to me for ANYTHING; to talk, to hang out, for food...ANYTHING YOU NEED, I'll try me best to be here for you & provide it. I know you have things rough but hopefully I can help smooth things out. Honestly, I'm just waiting for the day you call me & ask me for help. You are and forever will be in my heart, so don't hesitate to ask for ANYTHING.

BUT ANYWAYS, good day :] Doubt tomorrow will be legit, but heyy! YOU'RE COMING BACK :D Can't wait for Sunday (;

Love,
Ria

Untitled

Basically, today was really boring. I got balloons today for my "birthday" even though my actual birthday is July 9th xD Its okay, I loved it. Umm, today was boring...reallyyyyyy boringgg! -_- Lakers lost 104-106 :[ Anyways, K.E.R.M.Y.Z day tomorrow, should be hella fun :]

The thing I look forward to the most everyday is getting to talk to you.
3 more days! -_-

"I Am Blogging About This Tonight!"

So I spent my day with Madho, Yasmina, Moanna, & Katie today & it was pretty awesome! :] <3 Today was just all around GREAT!




1. California Adventures
-Grizzly Rapids
-Carousel
-California Screamin'
-Toy Story
-Paradise Pier with the up & down thing...?
-Orange Stinger?
-California Screamin' again
-Pictures
-Break time! aka EAT TIME!
-Mulholland Madness?
-Hollywood Tower of Terror
-Pictures with PERVERTED CHARACTERS aka Sully & Goofy -_-
-More pictures
-Jamba Juice :]

2. Lemon Creek Park
-Waited for people
-Katie & Yasmina getting paranoid 'cus of some CREEPER -_-
-Finally Dale, Kevin, Rami, Patrick, & Eddie came
-Dale's mom brought pizza
-Had a mini picnic :]
-Practiced "Gimme More" dance
-Played "10 Fingers"
-Moanna & Katie get picked up :[
-Piggy Back Race
-More picutres

3. Yasmina's House
-Get ready for The Shoppes :]

4. The Shoppes In Chino Hills
-Yasmina gets a talk from her dad -_-
-H&M
-Forever21
-H&M again
-Pinkberry

5. ENDING :[
-Dropped off Madho
-Got picked up by my mommy

That was basically my day...PRETTY INTENSE xD & Everything went SMOOOOOOTHLY :] Pictures are up! FAST, I know xD Well I hope everyone had fun (:

NEXT TRIP TO DISNEYLAND...Ria's birthday :] JULY 9! Keep that day free <3

Love,
Ria

F*CK WAITING!

Its been awhile since I've seen you, and I barely get to talk to you. I guess I never realized how much I enjoy talking to you ever since you left. I hate having to wait 'til you sign onto myspace so we can talk...but even when you sign on, we only get to talk for like 10 minutes. I hate having to wait for you to come back. I hate this feeling, impatience. Usually, I can tolerate it, but for some reason, I CAN'T...because its YOU whom I'm waiting for. You're different... and that's what I like about you. You might not have attracted me in the beginning, but now I feel like...I NEED to talk to you, I NEED to see you. UGH! THIS FEELING WON'T GO AWAY!

I'm counting down the days...6 more long @$$ days.

I can't take it! I'M ABOUT TO BLOW >:O

Last Day/ Graduation

Today was the last day of freshman year for us Walnut kids, and must I say, I'm pretty sad. Today was so much fun! History final was easy, I BSed most of my English final...but everything else was perfect <3 School got out at 12 noon today. After school, K.E.R.M.Y.Z went to The Village and ate at Akasaka.
"You know Akasaka spelled backwards spells Akasaka?" - Katie
Yes, Katie, we know now. Thank you for the interesting fact xD
OH MAN! Good times :] After we ate, Haue got me, Madho, & Zee free drinks from Starbucks. Then we all sat, chilled, and talked. I love K.E.R.M.Y.Z so much! <3 Can't wait to see you guys Sunday at Quince practice ;D

After The Village, I went home to get ready for Louie's graduation. We left at freakin' 5:30 to get parking and good seats...and I'm glad we did, 'cus it got crowded FAST! AND we did get good seats :] The actual graduation was unusually short...in my opinion. Like less than 2 hours. Anyways, after Louie's & Erik's name were called, I met up with Kathleen to go to my car. SHE BOUGHT $30 BALLOONS FOR HER BRO! She loves him xD ANYWAYS, after that...I freakin' power walked back to the east side (the stone benches), but didn't get there in time :[ By the time I got half way there, the fireworks went off -_- After that, I went into the field...LOOKING FOR REICHENBERGER BUT COULDN'T FIND HER -_- & ended making myself look like a lost child...FML -_-

After I found her, I said my goodbyes, met up with the family, then took pics. Later, met up with Erik, took a pic with him, talked for like 30 seconds then left.

SOOOO YEAH. Now I'm home with Thai Food right next to me...waiting to be devoured xD BOMB @$$ DAY! :]<3 I loved it! GREAT WAY TO START OFF SUMMERRRR! :D

Rami Kakish & Kasem Toubat!

Kathleen Reichenberger & Paige Montojo!

@ Akasaka.

My brother, Lorenzo Custodio!

& This is how I'm gonna age -_-

Lola, Mommy, Louie <3

Congrats Erik & Louie :D

Weekend?

BOMB @$$ WEEKEND!
Friday: Won 1st place for 6th period basketball (:
Saturday: PARTY @ KATHLEEN'S!
Sunday: Cousin's Grad Party/ Yasmina's 1st Quince Practice :]


'Nuff said :]<3

girls after PE

bye ria! YOU GONE!

walnut crew!

plus 128319849138 more people!

TO EQP

Okay fine, I'll admit I didn't really care that today was your last day...DON'T TAKE IT UP THE BUTT! It just hasn't really hit me yet. School was pretty chill, until 5th period. I mean, 5th period was fun, its just that my friends said something that really made me think; ITS YOUR LAST DAY. They started telling me how I'm never gonna see you anymore and shiii...it really didn't hit me until I found myself getting a little teary-eyed. YES, I teared up... but hey! My heart is not made of stone! LOL!

F*CK! I just realized, at that moment, that you're really gonna be gone...I won't see you unless we plan something. AND WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA THINK YOU'RE "TOO COOL" TO HANG OUT WITH ME. -_- But whateverrr! lol.

In my previous blogs, I would say "how I didn't want to regret anything" & blah blah blah... BUT F*CK! I really regret this week, YOUR LAST WEEK. You know why? I didn't get to live it up with you...-_-

You know I love you and always will. And I'll miss you like crazy! NO EFFIN' LIE!
BUT FOOL! You better text, message, comment, do WHATEVER it takes to keep in touch. I want to be able to say "Yeah, I still talk to him. We're still cool", but that ain't gonna happen if YOU DON'T START SOMETHING! LOL! Remember, GUYS make the first move...always! x] But for real though, you gotta keep in touch with me...& MESSAGE ME IF YOU EFFIN' LOSE/FORGET MY NUMBER! -_- HAHA! SERIOUSLY. I was like "Wow...did he really forget it? -_-" We'll chill over the summer fosho, just remember, you're planning it ;D

It was good talking to you again, felt like nothing has happened. Its like I can talk to you like nothing...well to me it seems like that. But yeah, I missed you...I really got sad when I had to leave to my 6th :[ I would've ditched, but I'm no rebel, remember? xD But yeah...it felt good :]

Well I'll just talk to you whenever. I'll be waiting for that text ;D
And hopefully see you soon? I'll miss you! OH & love you! :]

Love, Ria

OH HAPPY DAY

May 25, 2009 is probably the happiest day I had in such a long time. Although today was boring, everything just seems to be going back to normal (:

#1: Madho & her guy are talking again :]
#2: Erin & her guy are talking again :]
#3: Louie's getting a haircut! :D

More things happened, but those...those 3 make me SMILE so much. No lie, I'm really happy right now. The word "happy" can't express the how happy I am xD Yeah, my reasons are lame...but if you ONLY KNEW the pain this caused me & just knowing that everything is going back to normal...PHEWWWWWW! FINALLYYYY!

WOOOOO! LETS GO MONDAYYY <33

"OW! OW! OW! OH $HIT! OH $HIT! "

So yesterday I went to disneyland for Madho's birthday! HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY MADHOOO! <33 It was MO'EFFIN' CROWDED! More crowded than usual...damn Memorial Weekend -_- But it was FUNNN! :D <33

So the night before, I came home like at 12 because we went karaoke-ing for Haue's birthday...but I didn't end up sleeping 'til 1:30ish -_- The next day, I had to wake up at 6 AM 'cus freakin' Yasmina told me to be at her house at 7:45 AM! -_- I WAS SO TIRED WHILE I WAS SHOWERING, I swear, I was about to knock out while shampooing my hair -_- Anyways, after I got ready & shiii, I left to Yasmina's & got there around 8ish. Once I got there, this happened:

Ria: You're not ready yet?
Yasmina: I am, my shorts are underneath these shorts.
Ria: Oh okay. Hey, when's Madho coming?
Yasmina: I don't know, lemme text her.
[Yasmina texts Madho & gets a reply]
Yasmina: She just woke up.
Ria: WHAT THE FUHHH?!?! YOU SERIOUS?!?!
Yasmina: Yeah, she's gonna get ready right now.
Ria: Soooo I woke up early for nothing?!
Yasmina: sorry?
Ria: -___________-

Yeaaaah, it was LAAAAAAME! Anyways, Yasmina's dad ended up making us waffles :] So it made me feel a little better. As we waited for Madho's lazy @$$ to get ready, Yasmina & I uploaded pics from yesterday [Katie's surprise birthday party]. I go on my myspace to upload all the pics, but they were like 92 pics so it was taking FOREVERRRR! Like 2 minutes later, Madho calls Yasmina saying she'll pick us up in 5 minutes. [Yeah, we waited for like an hour for her to get ready -_-] ANYWAYS, my pics weren't uploaded completely yet, so I just stayed signed on for the whole day. I WAS NOT ON MYSPACE THE WHOLE DAY 'CUS I HAVE NO LIFE, I WAS ON 'CUS MY PICS WERE UPLOADING! [People think I have no life now -_-] IDGAF! Anyways, when she came, we went to go pick up Moanna...then OFF TO DISNEYLAND!

I was supposed to nap on the way there, but eff that...I couldn't -_- We arrived around 10:30ishAM. When we got outta the car, I swear, my legs started CRAMPIN' UP! -_- BUT I'M A TROOPER ;D We entered from Downtown Disney & took a trip to the Disney World Store. Yasmina & Madho bought Minnie Ears. It was cute! After that, we went to go buy our tickets (:

We got in & went straight to get a locker. We stuffed all our sh!t in there & went straight to get a fast pass to Buzz Lightyear, but our fast pass was not valid 'til 11:30. So while waiting, we walked around & took pics. We went to ToonTown to take pics, BUT HAAAIL that place was trippy! Then we waited in line for Space Mountain for like an hour. We're so close to going in, but then some guy over the intercom announces "Sorry but Space Mountain is currently having technical difficulties & will be closed temporarily. We do not know how long it will take but you can leave or remain in position in line". WHAT THE FUH?!?! -____- OH HAAAAIL NAH. So we stayed in line, while more than half the people BROKE & left. BUT WE DID NOT BREAK! This was from 1:30 - 3:30PM. We were SO close to breaking, we even set a time that if it was not fixed by 3:30, we're leaving. BUT WE PRAYED...literally xD & at EXACTLY 3:30, the ride reopened x] THANK GOD! SPACE MOUNTAIN WAS TOTALLY WORTH THE WAIT <33

We rode Buzz Lightyear, Space Mountain, "its a small world", Haunted Mansion, Matterhorn Bobsleds, & Splash Mountain. I think it was in that order. I forgot already -_- Anyways, freakin' Moanna on Matterhorn! HAHAHA! The WHOLE ride, she was like "OW! OW! OW! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OW! OW!" HAHAHAHA! NEVER PUT TWO SHORT PEOPLE ON THE SAME BOBSLED ON MATTERHORN! xD Then Yasmina goes & says "OH SWEET JEEEESUS" xD
FUNNY $HIT MAN! YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

Yasmina bought a freakin' turkey leg! HAHAHA! IT WAS BIGGER THAN MY LEG...combined! xD Madho & I get clam chowder soup in a bread bowl. YUMMM <33 Moanna just fed off of Yasmina's turkey leg xD We bought like 4 bottles of soda. NEVER DRANK THAT MUCH SODA IN FOREVER! -_- $3 each...

Anyways, I noticed this blog is VERY LONG so ima shorten it up a bit, even though the day was not FULLY explained xD In general, today was the best day I ever spent at Disneyland. SOOO MUCH FUN, SOOO MANY LAUGHS, SOOO MANY JOKES, SOOO MANY MEMORIES THAT HAVE BEEN MADE <3 We're going again after finals since we have a free pass x] OH & fireworks were beautiful <3 It made us cry...kinda ish? Okay, maybe it made us think. It just reminded alla us of stuff we wished we had.

After Disneyland, we went to In-N-Out to EAT! I got picked up from In-N-Out by my mommy. Once I got home, got ready for bed, upload a few pics, & talked to Nathan on the phone before I knocked out.

AWESOME DAY, AWESOME NIGHT! I LOVED IT! <3
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADHO! I love you! ;D <3

[pics will be up as soon as moanna, yasmina, & madho upload theirs]

May 22: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAUE & KATIE

The subject is self explanatory; HAPPY 22nd HAUE! HAPPY15th KATIE!

The day started off with school...Paige broke a test tube in bio -_- Anyways, boxes and boxes of cakes, brownies, etc. lined up across the bench. Erin's dad's brownies = heaven <3 After school, I went to Aloha for some chicken katsu. Chicken Katsu = heaven X2 <3 Then Erin, Yasmina, & Katie's mom picked me up from Aloha to go set up at Katie's house for her surprise party. Katie's brother helped, voluntarily. SURPRISING; I wish my brothers were like that -_- After setting up, Erin, Yasmina, & I have a lil photoshoot ;D When Katie & Zerreyna came in, we surprised Katie with confetti & silly string. Silly String = hot mess. I had to leave early 'cus my cousin came over; left around 6:20ish. After I came home, I got ready for Haue's birthday...KARAOKE NIGHT! <33 DIDN'T DRINK, KATHLEEN! >:]

In general, awesome day, awesome night ;D
I loved it! HOPE KATIE & HAUE DID TOO! <3 Love you two!

HAHAHAHA! Awwe, Madho xD <3

cameron sucks at taking pics -_-

Break from Decorating x]

Before "Photoshoot" ;D

I love Yasmina! ;D

Taken by Erin <3

Taken by Erin <3

Katie's Grandma & Mommy!

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAAAAAATIEEEEEE!"

Nathan & Ryan at karaoke night!

Quick Message

I just got to say you've always had a way with words...and you always know how to put a smile on my face. Thank you

Long Goodbye

I am on the verge of going back to you. I need to reassure myself that my choice is the right choice. I know for a fact what I want, but I keep coming back to what I left. I know I don't want to go back to the way things were because one way or another, the results are gonna stay the same, but somehow I just keep reminiscing. Although there were GREAT times, I just can't see myself going through the same crap I went through. But I loved those times; the laughs, the sweet talks, the warmth I felt when I was in your arms...but all good things come to an end. You are going away in a couple of weeks. I hope you already realized how big of a step you're taking into the real world. You're not gonna be in high school anymore. You're rarely gonna see the old faces you see at school, better yet, you're rarely gonna see me. I am going to miss you. I wished that we could've spent your last months in high school together, but bad karma came around. I hope what I'm saying will clear things up for you. I know I've been making things seem like I want to start things over, but I don't. How can we start over when things are already coming to an end? The school year is basically over. It took us two months to start talking again, but its too late. The thing that's gonna hurt me the most is not being able to see you as much as I used to. I rarely get to talk to you because, apparently, you don't have your phone anymore. I can't talk to you in person because I don't know how to approach you. Things are just too "awkward". Last Friday was the first time in months I physically came in contact with you, when you bumped into me during lunch. I honestly didn't see you, and my friends say the "didn't see you" either. Even though its a lame way to get close to you, I'd replay that moment any day. DAMMIT! There I go again...going back & reminiscing. I don't like the way things are but I have to accept it. There is no way in hell that I can get you to stop doing the sh*t I don't want you to be doing, but I'm strong enough to accept it...well at least I'd like to think I am. I hope this clears up any second thoughts in your mind. As of now, I don't want to regret anything. I hope the best for you. I hope things go well for you in the future, and hopefully some day, we can be close again just how it used to be...consider this a long goodbye.

Love,
Ria

Messages to Certain People.

-I'm sorry I don't feel the same way for you, but I'm just not completely over him yet. You might think its stupid, but he's always gonna be in my heart. I'm sorry...

-WHY THE F*CK YOU TALKING SH*T ABOUT THE BEST THING YOU'LL EVER HAVE, B*TCH?! YOU'RE A F*CKING DUMB@SS!

-You guys have been there with me this whole year and I'm glad I met you all. Although we may have issues with each other, we'll always move on passed them. We accomplished so much this year. <3


BIPOLAR MUCH?!
had to get it off my chest.

Walnut Prom '09

May 9, 2009, 7:00PM-11:30Pm- Walnut Prom '09



So yesterday was probably one of the funnest days of my freshman year, even though there's a million others! x] Prom was so fun! Liiike its gonna be even better senior year when I have K.E.R.M.Y.Z there with me (: So anyways, this was basically my schedule of the day:

7:30AM- Call from Erin saying she's coming over in a bit
8:00AM- Did my own nails 'cus i'm lame like that xD
9:00AM- Erin finally arrives at my house
9:15AM-Shower
10:ooAM- F*CKED UP my nails, so I had to do it over again
10:15AM- Puente Hills mall to buy silver heals; lagged til the last minute...Erin picked the cutest shoes <3
11:00AM-Eat at Great Khans with Erin & my mommy
11:45AM-Left back to mi casa
12:00PM to 1:00PM-Erin does my hair; did it twice 'cus it flattened the first time :[
1:15PM to 2:00PM- Did my own make-up ;D
2:01PM- Got my crap together; clutch bag + money + masks
2:30PM- Haue took me & Erin to Xpose
2:35PM to 2:50PM- Waited for my date; Alex is such a lagger xD
2:52PM- Erin takes a bajillion pictures of me & my date xD
3:00PM- Said goodbye to my momma of the day, Erin :[
3:15PM- Said goodbye to my gay brother, Haue
3:30PM- Took the 'professtional' pics
3:45PM- Alex & I leave to Jessica's house
3:50PM-5:00PM- Waited at Jessica's house
5:00PM- Went back to Xpose
5:15PM- Went to MickeyD's while Jessica & her date took pics
5:20PM to 6:20PM-THE LONGEST WAIT EVER!
6:20PM- Jessica & her date FINALLY take pics
6:30PM- Left to Ashley's house to meet up with the other couples
6:45PM- FINALLY left to Prom
7:20PM- We arrive at Prom :]
7:30PM to 11:30PM- HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE <3
12:00AM- Left to drop off certain people
12:15AM- Got dropped off at Ashley's house to go to an after party
1:00AM to 2:45AM- LAMEST AFTER PARTY EVERRR! -____-
3:00AM- FINALLY HOME; mo'effin' TIREDDDDDD!
3:05AM to 3:30AM- Watched TV & ate the bagel Erin gave me from this morning xD
3:30AM- RIA PASSES OUT.

AWESOME DAY & AWESOME NIGHT! :] <33
I will MOS DEF NEVER forget Walnut Prom 2009
Pictures will be up ASAP.
Won't be picking up Xpose pictures until Monday :[
OH WELL...
Thank you everyone who helped make this an awesome night <3
Erin, Alex, & Mommy to name a few :]

Alright, so Mother's Day today...
Gotta tell my mommy I love her :] <3

love,
Ria Custodio

Hard to Realize.

"People will never change for anybody, only for themselves." -Madeleine Custodio

Some things in life are meant to be confusing, it helps keep the mind going. Things are meant to be figured out, just like life. You never know what "life" will throw at you, but one thing is for sure...realization. You realize a lot of stuff...from the way you change and the way others change. I've come to realize that my mom's quote is true, how people will never change for anybody, not even their significant other, but only for themselves. I always believed that I can make a difference in someone's life, but HELL, I was wronggg! I would stress for days, weeks, and months just to try to change someone for the better, but as I kept trying, I realized that I am not making any progress. People will change only for themselves...if they want to lose 10 pounds, they will stay at the gym for an extra hour or two. If they want to get an A on a test, they will stay up until 2 in the morning studying. As I came to this realization, it saddened me. I wasted all that time trying to change you, while I could've have been doing something that would have at least progressed. I am not saying that I regret trying to help you because I don't. I just wanted you to show me that you appreciate how much I care enought to stick by you for weeks telling you that what you're doing now is wrong. I really don't want to sound like a control freak, but seriously, YOU'RE EFFIN' UP YOUR LIFE! I know you're so much better than that...you're greater than you think. FUHH! If it takes this much to make you realize this, than I don't know what to do anymore. You're on the verge of losing the BEST thing in your life...YOUR BEST FRIEND. That fool has stuck by you like no other! He's put up with your b*llshit for months! You guys accomplished so much, and you're gonna throw all that away for something so stupid and useless? If so, then obviously that sh*t you've been taking in has f*cked up your brain!

I've come to realize that you can't change somebody, but only impact them.
It may be hard to realize, but that's life.

dress hunt

sooo prom is this saturday, may 9, & i'm hella excited! (: alotta girls say that the best part of dances is looking for your dress...BUT NOT FOR ME! -_- EFF MAN! as you all know that i am a VERY SMALL girl, i barely fit into anything! sooo dress shopping for me is a PAIN! -_- plus, i have no one to go shopping with me...i have K.E.R.M.Y.Z, but none of them drive! :[ soooo last sunday, may 3, i went dress shopping with jerome. LOL! AWKWARD MUCH?! its okay, he "loves shopping with me" xD anyways...i found this REALLY cute dress from forever XXI, but it was sooo short! but i bought it 'cus i had nothing else. i went to get an THUMBS UP from my gay brother, haue. he said it was not "prom"ish. we went to the brea mall to return it, BUT EFFIN' FOREVER XXI DOESN'T GIVE CASH BACK! -____- sooo $50 wasted! FML!! oh well, i'm getting store credit on that SHIIII! but anyways, i'm lucky that my bro has a buncha lady friends who have dresses :]] we ended up borrowing dresses from our good friend, kristine hofilena :] <3 THANK YOU SOOO MUCH, btw. sooo the dresses are CUTE! & they're longgg...which might make me look shorter but idgaf :] sooo yeah, i got my dress...sorta ish. there's two & i need to choose the best one. one's white & the other is black, it sounds boring but TRUST, they're mo'effin' CUUUUUTE <33

comment/message me on myspace if you want to see & vote on the better one (:

fiesta/madho's choir concert

alriiiight, so may 1 & may 2...CHILL @SS DAYS <3 st. martha's fiesta was whack this year! the only good ride there was "zipper". plus, alotta people didn't go. the best part of it, though, was seeing all my old friends. reunions feel sooo gooooood! <33


st.martha friends ^ walnut friends v

may 2nd, i went to the festival again, it was whack...i stayed from 4 to 6ish. it started getting fun when i had to leave -_- anyways, after that, i came home & got ready for madho's choir concert. erin's mama came to pick me up, then we went to pick up erin & yasmina from yasmina's house. the actual concert was actually VERY GOOD. i was impressed...madho did GREATTTT, EVEN IF she said she "messed up". MY @SS! lol. anyways, after the concert, "MR.YE" takes a lil' trip to The Boat & CUEEEE :] SOOO MUCH FUNNN! <3

prom?

so today i got asked to prom by my good friend, ALEX NAJERAAA! :]

oh it was a good day! took my english cst test today...i think i did pretty good. umm, geometry, bio, & PE were a breeze. i got a note during PE saying to go meet someone at my old 6th period classroom.

sooo i went & some asian guy gave me another clue. it said to go to the lunch tables where me, alex, & cara sit while they ditched 6th.

sooo i went...alexa gave me another clue. it said to go the "X", 'cus there's only one "X" at the school xD LAME.

sooo i went then cara gives me a clue. i'm like "WTF?! WHERE THE HECK AM I GOING?! -_-" anyways, it said to go to the basketball courts, which was cute 'cus i play ball! x] yeaaah...lame too xD jk.

so while we were walking to the basketball courts, cara made this "cough noise" & i see alex in front of me with a sign that says "prom?" with a buncha balloons & a masquerade mask x] HOWW CUUUUTE!! awe, thanks alex :] he made everything himself, VERY TALENTED for a guy! thank you for taking the time & effort to think of something after i totally RUINED your first idea...which by the way I'M REALLY SORRY about. xD & thank you for everyone who helped him with the idea & me carrying my stuff; cara, madho, zerreyna, alexa, & some asian guy...i don't even know him so i can't put his name down -_- OH WELL... THANK YOU AGAINNNN!!

prom should be funnnn! :]] i can't wait. the theme is 'masquerade ball'? i don't know, that's what i heard. anyways, to be honest, i didn't think i would get asked to prom this year...LETS GOOOO! :D all four dances in my freshman year! WOOOO! :]]

sooo yeah...that was my day :] <3

intensity.

EFF TODAY MAN! today was chill in the beginning, ya know? it was my godsister's dad's birthday party today! i came home around 8ish 'cus there was school tomorrow. anyways, when i get home, my dad starts yelling at me. i'm like "WHAT THE F*CK?" -_- sh*tttt...plus, i was all buzzed so i'm like double the "WHAT THE F*CK?!" i get all pissed, starting yelling & sh*t. like i effin' swear, i think this was the most pissed i got EVER. -_-

anyways, later, jerome texted me saying my friend was in the hospital for "hyper ventilating". they think it was 'cus of his girlfriend...effin' raising his blood pressure & shiii! THE FUH?! WHAT KINNA GIRLFRIEND DOES THAT?! -_- so i was effin' scared, so i start asking all these questions. hopefully he's fine.

F*CK! today was good, tonight was horrible! shiii! i started crying -_______-
EFF MY MO'EFFIN' LIFE!! X91849258590!

but friday & saturday was bomb!
why the eff did today have to ruin my weekend?! EFF! >:[

forgive & forget?

to forgive is to forget.

i'm barely at the stage of forgiving...& i highly doubt i can forget.

happy birthday

i feel so disappointed & broken. i know tomorrow is your birthday & as much as i want to greet you, i can't 'cus apparently...we're not in good terms. well first i talked to my friends about a good way to greet you a happy birthday. MOST of them said i should, only a couple said i shouldn't. anyways...i decide i should, so you know that i still remembered. i asked my friend, if i should tell you in person or through text [either way it will be awkward but at least it you know i still care]. she said to text you first so i know if you're willing to talk to me.

Sent: April 21, 2009, 9:52 P.M.
"hi"

i finally had the balls to text you in how many weeks? about two months. i'll admit, i didn't want to, but i did. 'cus i thought to myself "what do i got to lose?" i waited...& waited...& waited...no reply. i texted my friend again telling her that you didn't text back...she told me a lot of stuff that opened my eyes, mind, & heart. i feel so stupid for believing YOU & NOT believing MYSELF. i had feelings that i chose to ignore. i'm an idiot, a stupid teenage girl who obviously can't make good judgements. it hurts 'til this moment that everything you've done, everything you've said to me was all BULLSH*T! again...i believed you & not myself...

i honestly don't know what to do. i WANT to be friends with you, i WANT to talk things out, i WANT things to be good between us...but those are all "wants"...i don't NEED them. so i'm just gonna forget about you. you obviously don't think about me anymore...you obviously don't care anymore...since you moved on that fast, i will too. now...i know i'm not gonna be as fast as you, but i'm willing to forget EVERYTHING; every text, every call, every hug, every kiss...all will be forgotten. i hope that someday, someone will ask me about you & i'll reply..."who is he? i do not remember him." ONE DAY, i hope that will happen...ONE DAY.

as of now...
i just want to wish you a happy birthday...
OH & have a great life.

lates.

sister lovin'

the rain is slowly stopping...FINALLY. the days are becoming less cold & bitter. today was a good day. went to the mall to eat, went to the park...didn't even get to play, BUT I DROVE A CAR FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME :D [thank you karl libramonte] lastly, i went to kimberly's house (: OHH MANNN! i miss lin & kim...all the st.martha people :[ i'm glad we got to chill for the first time in forever! gooooooood times <3 we talked, we laughed, we played HORSE. xD went on the computer & blogged? WTF? xD called ray...a.k.a. kim's cousin's loverrrr ;D ANYWAYS, GREAT DAY. i needed it (: thank you kim & lin & danielle <333

we talked about a lot shiiii! we reminisced about sooo much. memories. they helped me with drama. EFF DRAMA. i love them sooo much :] <3

P.S. kim told me whatchu said & sadly i gotta say this but...because of you, my heart was broken for the second time this year...

anyways, kim & lin helped me through this heartbreak...they really did. they helped me forget about boys & the drama they bring. they helped me realize that being sad & depressed won't fix anything. they make the lamest jokes to help put a smile on my face when all i want to do is cry. they are my best friends, my sisters <3

april showers

so apparently, april is mainly supposed to be a month where there's nonstop rain, right? BUT NO RAIN. that's a good thing, to those who hate the rain. anyways, its been raining a lot lately....well to me. it seems like i haven't seen the sun ever since spring break started. basically, what i'm trying to say is that my SPRING BREAK SUCKS! nothing good has happened. the only good day was wednesday, the day that i chilled with my good ol' pal, mathew del rosario. that fool shined some effin' light to my dull self. well anyways, that was basically the ONLY good day of spring break for me.

lets see, friday, april 3, was a good day. celebrated walnut's last pep rally [GLOW IN THE DARK!], plus my friends & i celebrated ms. zerreyna's early birthday. so that was a good day. saturday...alright day, very chill. ivy, the cousin, slept over til sunday...that's when the rain started. oh, i was effin' pissed sunday night. just some personal crap got to me that was so intense that it made me cry. monday..another rainy day. cried again, due to friend drama. [read previous blog "apologies don't quite solve anything"] tuesday...rainy day. cried AGAIN, due to the anger of my parents. [read previous blog "040709; birds fly away"] i know whatchu thinking..."ria is such a cry baby! she cries about everything! blah blah blah" honestly, i can care less whatchu think, this is how i handle my shiii. what can i say? i'm very emotional. anyways, wednesday...THE ONLY GREAT DAY OF SPRING BREAK. i felt so rebellious, sneaking outta the house while i'm supposed to be grounded. [lame, right?] lol. && NOW thursday...chill day, whack @ss night. shoot dude, i know i'm such a goody-two-shoes & i don't tolerate people who do stupid sh!t like steal. MOTHER-in-law! -_- i effin' swear. i can never let crap like this go...

april...oh how i hate you so much right now...YOU HAVE NOT BROUGHT ME A SUNNY DAY! but hey, you're supposed to be the month full of rain, right? i should've saw this coming...

hopefully, the month of may will bring me some hope after this horrible month...'cus i need some light, some inspiration in my life. PLEASE APRIL, go easy on me...i'm not only but a cry baby...

040709; birds fly away.

today i got grounded. people might think its a stupid reason to get grounded for...oh well! sooo like my grandpa asked me & my family to take care of his 11 parakeets while he vacations in the philippines with my grandma. we agreed. ANYWAYS, today my friend, jerome, comes in & tells my bro, louie, that the birds are gone. apparently, some stupid ass cat tips over the bird cage & ALL 11 BIRDS FLY AWAY! -_-

we went to petsmart to replace the birds before anyone finds out, but THESE EFFIN' BIRDS ARE ABOUT $20 EACH! THE FUHHH?!?! so we ended up telling my parents...OF COURSE they were pissed, since they were at work & couldn't do anything about it. so me & my bro are grounded...DURING SPRING BREAK! FML! -_-

damn birds, who buys 11 birds?! such an odd number! & WTF?! $20 EACH?! shiiii!

hopefully, my parents will laugh about this when they come home...OH I'M SUCH A JOKER! -_-

bye bye birdies, i hate chu.
bye bye spring break...you weren't that great anyways...yet.

apologies don't quite solve anything...

i've learned that in today's world, it is harder for people to forgive...well the for the person who i'm trying to apologize to. i don't understand what i did wrong. HONESTLY. best friends just don't get mad at you for no reason...at least they'll TELL you straight up what you did wrong. apparently, the words "best friends" is used in vain a lot.

i'd like to think my friends will stick by me, or at least have a good reason to be mad at me. hopefully, my "best friend" will realize that i never meant to hurt her. i didn't even know i did anything wrong. HONESTLY. alot of you who are reading this will think i'm being insensitive & a bad friend 'cus i don't know what i did wrong...but if you FULLY know the situation, then you'll understand what i'm saying. i don't want to publicize the whole drama i'm going through, but all i can say is that you gotta be careful who your "best friends" are. i'm not saying this to be cliche & shiii, but its true. i THOUGHT she was my best friend, well one of them, but i'm not so sure anymore...hopefully, my apology will be good enough to help her forgive me because i don't know how to fix something that i didn't know was broken in the beginning.

best friends, practically family

have your friends ever confronted you about something? may i remind that i said "friends". alotta people consider "friends" and "best friends" as two separate things. when a friend confronts you about something, you noticed how its always about something small? but when your best friend(s) confronts you, you end up having this big ol' lecture? that's what i go through almost errday ever since i started high school. don't get me wrong, its a good thing i have people telling me what's up, especially when i've been acting up. see, my friends will tell me if i'm being rude, but my best friends will be like "GIRRRL, you're being such a b*tch right now!" the good thing about having best friends is that you know you can count on them, whether its keeping your secrets or having random laughs just 'cus a word sounds funny to you guys.

my friends keep me sane, they remind me to never be someone who i'm not. i thank God everyday that i met these wonderful people. there are some people who i wish i was still best friends with...but some things aren't meant to be. hopefully, the people i've met this year will be the ones who will stick by me, no matter what. knowing that they love me unconditionally is all the inspiration i need to have the courage to be who i am, because these are the people i call my best friends, & ] i can honestly say that they're practically family