Long Over Due

For the past few weeks, I was in denial. I didn't want to admit to my friends OR myself that what I felt was more than a "crush". People gave me constant talks saying I better hurry and tell you now before its too late, but I didn't listen to them. I wanted to make sure what I was feeling was not just infatuation. Before I would fall for guys like nothing, I didn't get to really KNOW them...now THOSE were crushes. The feeling I feel with you is different, its a feeling that you can never search for because it will find you. A few people know about my high standards I have for guys, and so far, you've proven that you fit most of them. As I got to know you better, you've always been able to fit more and more of my standards. You have not yet proven yourself that you can't handle my bullshit. What you want in a relationship is EXACTLY what I want. I think its time to admit the truth...I really do like you.

"I Need To Tell You Something"

This phrase puts a bajillion questions in your head; What's wrong? What did I do? And the list goes on...Not knowing what the person is going to tell you adds so much tension in your body, hoping its nothing bad. It also adds anxiety because you don't know what to say or how to react. It might be good news, it might be bad. Whatever he/she needs to tell you, its the way you react that counts the most.

So lets say your boyfriend OR girlfriend tells you they're moving to another city, state, or even country! How would you react? Would you react with a "Oh, that's great!" or with an "Oh..." To me, the very first thing that I would say is "Oh..." 'cus you automatically know you won't be able to see them anymore. But if you react with an "Oh, that's great!", it'll put a bajillion questions in your their head; What? That's it? They might even think you don't really care. It could even lead to a break up...but lets not get into that. But the way you react determines what happens next.

The way I reacted last night was the b*tch way to respond to what you needed to tell me. I hesistated and didn't know what to say...so like a dumb@$$, I answered with an "Oh okay..." WHO THE FUH SAYS THAT WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU GOOD NEWS?! It makes it seem like you don't care, but in reality, you do. I felt like a b*tch, dumb@$$, idiot, and so on! I really do care and I wish I could've said something more meaningful, like how I really felt towards what you said. I'm not gonna do it over text, or through phone. I will tell you as soon as I get to see you, face to face. So let the waiting begin...til tomorrow, all this guilt and b*tch@$$nees will all slide off of me, 'cus that's when I will tell you how I truly feel. (:

Love,
Ria

Slow Motion

We met around the middle of March. We kicked it off pretty well considering the first thing I said to you was "sorry, but do I know you?". xD You seemed nervous...as if I were very intimidating. I honestly think I'm the least intimidating person out there, considering my small physique. You asked questions about myself, I answered them honestly. You might not know, but your friend told me a lot about you, including the fact that you thought I was "cute". I wasn't gonna be rude to you after you just called me "cute"! xD After all the sh_t that pushed me down the previous month, it felt really good that you came around to help me back onto my feet. You wiped away the tears running down my cheeks and put a smile back on my face...and I thank you for that. I really do appreciate it.

I'll admit, I wasn't interested into getting to know you when we first started talking 'cus you caught me at a bad time in my life. Everything went wrong with school, family, friends... my love life. ALL WRONG. But you stook by me after I vented all my feelings, especially about my ex! It made me realize that YOU have potential. It took me by surprised 'cus I didn't think I'd be getting over the drama anytime soon...well it did take a little longer, but you helped me get through all the pain. I realized that you're one of those guys who has respect...I haven't really met anyone who has so much respect towards ANYONE. Then it hit me...you truly are different.

It was time to get to know you better...but that had to take a break 'cus #1: You left school a week before we got out. And #2: You left to Italy for another week. SOOOO two weeks barely getting to talk to you. Not to mention, you missed one week of quince practice! -_- During those two weeks, I felt anxious...very impatient. I had no way to contact you except through myspace. AND NO ONE IS EVER REALLY ON 24/7! I was so impatient, I wrote blogs about you. DANG, I went crazy! But after you came back from Italy, we started talking again :] The following weekend was quince practice. I got to see K.E.R.M.Y.Z and of course, you x] It was so much fun, but bowling made my day complete. You gave me a bracelet from Italy and it was beautiful :] (AKA mine IS the best one outta everyone else's) After the night was over, you FINALLY had the nerve to come up to me and ask me for my number xD Ever since that Sunday, we been texting like 24/7 x]

A LOT has changed after the first message I sent you on myspace (romantic, huh? xD), but I'm just glad you really haven't left me...after all the sh_t I've said and what people said, you still stook by me. Its now June and I still think we got a long way to go before we can actually say we "like" each other...but that's me. I really want to get to know you better, but that takes time. You might think I'm stalling but I really just want to enjoy every second I have with you, whether its hanging out with you, talking to you, or even just texting. All of the wait and "games" will be worth it, trust me x]

"You're like a Magical Doctor or Something"

So today was the first day of summer school & summer basketball. School was alright, went by pretty fast...got caught for texting xD Thank God I didn't get it taken away. BASKETBALL WAS HELL -_- I did so bad! I HATE FRESHMEN WITH A PASSION RIGHT NOW! One was chill. ANYWAYS, I'm just really scared I won't advance to JV. I really REALLY want it, BUT FUCK! FUCKIN' FRESHMEN DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY DEFENSE...OR OFFENSE! -_- It was really bad...

But luckily, I got people who were there to comfort me, AKA Kathleen Reichenberger & Cris Ruelas. They helped me so much today...I CRIED 'cus it was that bad! -_- BUT then again, I cry to everything. JK. But yeah, they helped :]

THANKS AGAIN :DD <33

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I need to bring my A game, go "BEAST MODE"! xD
Pray for me please! IMA NEED IT! Thanks :]

Love,
Ria

SUCCESS

Today couldn't be more perfect :] Slept like half the day, but quince practice was PERFECTION. We got a lot done...ish, we learned the "Gimme More" dance completely, & now we're learning our final dance next week. GOOD PRACTICE :D Bowling after was the cherry on top, the icing to my cupcake xD Although I pretty much sucked @$$ today, I wouldn't have spent it with a better group. I guess it was more of a free for all instead of a girls against boys game xD But it was fun. I talked too much smack, & what do I get? A BAD GAME -_- Ohh well...next time :]

OH & I seriously can't believe I survived a week without seeing you. PHEW! I can't wait til next week ;D

Kay, summer school & summer basketball starts tomorrow :(
WISH ME GOOD LUCK. NIGHTS :DDD <33

Love,
Ria