Okay look, I understand you're mad that my friends blew up on you...wait, not even, only one. 'Cus Erin & Yasmina didn't say sh!t to you. And the fact that my brothers & your brother started yelling at me really pissed me off. 'Cus one, they had NOTHING to do with the situation, so why the f*ck were they the ones giving me crap. If anything, it should've been YOU. And two, why the f*ck are you guys giving me crap for something my FRIEND did? Like seriously...I told you guys, I CANNOT CONTROL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO. I can only control myself! And I didn't even say sh!t to you, so why the fuh you saying I blew up on you. I'm sorry, but this is stupid! We're supposed to be tight, but why the f*ck are you making this bigger than it should be. I apologized for putting the blame on you...& YOU KNOW I DID. Even Bastie read the text. ANDDDDDD I told you I had NO INTENTION of arguing with you. SO WTF?! If anything, YOU were the one going off on me. I don't know why you got mad...'cus ALL I DID was hang up the damn phone. And everything I did was because it was IN THE MOMENT. You can't honestly tell me that the way I reacted was not appropriate...because if it was YOU, I'm pretty damn sure you'd react WAY WORSE than I did. SHOOT! You probably wouldn't have hung up, you'd probably stay on cussing. BUT WHATEVER. Sure, you feel unappreciated and all...and I'm sorry you feel that way 'cus I appreciate you trying to get us in, I appreciate you getting yelled at by your dad, BUT F*CK! I don't appreciate you telling my brothers what happened and what not, I don't appreciate them yelling at me when it should've been YOU talking to me about this, and I don't appreciate for all the blame getting put on me. I TOLD YOU that I was sorry. I TOLD YOU I had no intentions of arguing with you. I TOLD YOU my friends said what they said because THEY wanted to. I DID NOT TELL THEM TO GIVE YOU SH!T! AND for my brothers to say that I could've have been the bigger person & acted differently should've been thrown back at your face. Why do I, ME, MARIAN RIA CUSTODIO, be the bigger person when it could've been you? YOU could've easily said "you know what guys, let me be the bigger person & talk to her about this". BUT NO. You sat there, watching my brothers & your brother yell at me. SO WHAT THE F*CK? Who do you think is the bigger person now, huh? ANSWER ME THAT!
P.S. Sorry but this ruins the whole mood butttt...I love you Zee! =) <33
I don't get mad or annoyed easily, but the one thing that will piss me off more than ANYTHING is a flaker. To me, flakers are honestly the most UNTRUSTWORTHY type of people out there. When I first meet a person, I trust them. I'll admit I trust people WAY TOO MUCH. And when they eff me over, I'm the biggest emotional wreck ever! A simple "yes" or "no" answer can solve any problem. Like if I ask for a favor & you can't go through with it, PLEASE, just say "no" instead of having me wait for an answer. You see, the thing with me is that if I don't get an imidiate answer, like a "maybe" or "I'll see", I'll assume you're trying hard to make it a "yes". SO INSTEAD of wasting both our times, just gimme a straight up answer "no" if its a no or "yes" if its a yes. DON'T MAKE ME EFFIN WAIT TIL THE LAST MINUTE. I'm tired of trusting people too much. I'm tired of feeling upset when ish doesn't happen. I'm just SICK & TIRED OF FLAKERS! -_____-
If you're a flake, stay the F*CK away from me.
What I did Saturday was a mistake, I'll admit. I feel extrememly guilty not only because what I did, but also the way people look/think of me. Fuhh...I didn't think the sh!t I did would turn out the way it did...'cus I didn't think it was "that bad". Like honestly, I feel like the biggest dumbass right now, no effin' lie. When I talked to Nick about it, he made me feel like a complete failure. I HAVE MORALS, I KNOW MY STANDARDS...why the f*ck am I not following them? I don't know...but this "badass" needs to calm the f*ck down. I'm not the same Ria I once was. I know I'm changing, but not for the better. And for people telling me what I WANT to hear rather them telling me what I NEED to hear isn't helping me. I don't know what to do anymore. I really just wanna stop. I don't want to do anything stupid that I will regret.
And honestly, I don't know why the f*ck you're mad at me for? Why are you trippin' over something I did? Like honestly, TELL ME WHY YOU'RE MAD. Don't f*ckin' try to rush me off the damn phone, like what you usually do. F*CK THAT. I just won't f*ckin' talk to you then. Like I thought I made it clear that something was wrong when I couldn't promise you everything was alright...and you didn't stay on the phone with me? Alright then, cool. Just don't f*ckin' try to guilt trip me. I already went on a ton of those ever since Saturday. And when I told you about the guilt trip your cousin put me in, how I felt "SOOOO BAD" and I gave you this long ass explanation about it and all you could say was "okay"... LIKE WTF?! THAT'S IT?! -_- And what happened to not going to bed in bad terms, huh? But whatever...I can't do sh!t.
UGHHHH! Before I would never cuss and I would never forget my morals. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm really scared now...I don't want to change into someone bad, someone who's not me. I used to be known as the "good girl", but that's all changing. I can't take back anything I've done so I'm just gonna live & learn, just move on.
I need to remind myself of my morals; no more cussing, no more doing the stuff I've been doing, no more acting like I'm in a relationship when I'm not. I just need to calm down...its getting too much for me to handle. I'm slowly losing grip of myself...
Alright, well to those who told me what I NEEDED to hear, thank you. I really appreciate you guys for talking to me and for your guys' concern.
Its late, and I said what I needed to say.
I'm really not looking for sophomore year! FUH IT! -_-
We've been hitting bumpy roads in this journey we are traveling, but we got through them without a flat tire. All I can think about is you and me. The way we can solve ANY problem together is pretty amazing. Although last night & tonight have been a little rough for both of us, we got through them. I hope that everything that was said these passed two nights will really benefit our friendship/relationship. We still got a long way to go, but I feel no rush. Whatever the future throws at us, whether its good or bad, we'll handle it together. Although I know A LOT about you, I want to learn MORE...I mean, it doesn't hurt to be curious. I'm glad we had this talk, even though it didn't turn out the way I wanted...but I'm content with the outcome. Hopefully, August will be an eye-opener month, 'cus I'm down to learn so much more about you. Thank you for caring so much and taking the time to talk to me. OH & thank you for reassuring me everything will turn out fine (:
I MISS YOU, HOEEEEE/BABE! ;D <3
