Okay, so this has been bothering me like CRAZY for the past couple of weeks...I just gotta let it out. Well to me I dislike it when a person talks "rudely" about someone behind their back, not necessarily gossip or spreading rumors...but just all the rude comments. Like sure, I've made mistakes and I've changed but that doesn't mean I've changed completely. I've learned a lot of things and I've learned how to handle things but I am not about to take every little insult about me lightly. Like seriously...we say that we hate it when people talk "shit" but we all do it. WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE HYPOCRITES?! I'm not saying I'm perfect and I don't do it...cus I'll admit, I have moments when I'm just so frustrated with someone that I just HAVE to bash them. But at the end of all of it, I feel bad cus I know it was just outta anger. I'm really trying to be a better person and do what is right and not talk about the negative things in people but the positive, or just not bring them up at all. Okay, to me, I think one of the most hurtful thing a person can feel is when someone close (or thought was close) to you says something rude about you behind your back...or even to your face. It hurts and you want to say something but it'll just cause problems. Seriously though, I rather be told that I'm doing something wrong rather than being put down all the time...and yes, there's a difference. When someone tells you you're doing something wrong, they're trying to help you by telling you what you need to fix. But when someone is putting you down, they're basically saying "idgaf about you, youre useless", and that hurts waaaaay more than any mistake you've made and someone trying to tell you to fix it. Like yes, people have told me to fix things and I don't take their advice and fix it, but that doesn't mean they have to start being rude and putting me down, ya know? I don't know, it just hurts...A LOT. Like you thought they would never say stuff like that about you...but they do.
Yes, I've made mistakes. I'm only human. Humans have feelings...that need to be handled with care. Honestly, I'm the most fragile person you'll ever meet and any small, rude comment said about me affects me SOOO MUCH that it hurts. Well...only from those who matter to me. And I'm sure I'm not the only one like that. Many people don't care for the opinions of people that don't matter to them. Actually, the opinions I care about are from the people who impacted my life so greatly...maybe not for the good, but anything big. Whether you left a scar in my life or a hand print on my heart, you'll ALWAYS matter to me. To those who are reading this and KNOW they've impacted my life in ANY way possible, please watch what you say cus deep down...everything you say is kept with me :/
I'm in a point in my life where I realized how much hate there is now that I'm in high school. Ever since I made a formspring (a website where it asks anonymous QUESTIONS, not gives RUDE COMMENTS), I've realized how much people care more about expressing their hate towards someone rather than trying to better their lives. For every second those people waste typing something hurtful or offensive, they're also wasting time to better themselves. I honestly can care less about their opinions because I know I'm nothing like what they say I am...but it just makes me kawawa seeing how much hate there is. Like yeah, it pisses me off cus I'm always like "wtf? what gives you the right to say those things about me?" but it also just makes me realize more of what is truly out there...what people are really like. Before, I used to be SO gullible (& probably still am...but not as much) but now I've been realizing the type of people there are. I used to always think there's good in everyone...but coming to think of it, that's a buncha BS. Sure people are nice to certain people, but not to everyone they barely meet. I try my best to be the nicest person for someone to meet, but sometimes, things just get around & I'm stuck with the reputation people say of me. I honestly HATE when people judge people before they get to really know them...its like missing an opportunity of possibly meeting someone who can change their life for the better! UGHH! It just frustrates me and how much people judge...but I cant really do anything to change their minds except be myself and no one else. I'm a very optimistic girl and I ALWAYS try to find the brighter side of things. I'm always gonna try to find the good in people but as of now...to all the haters; sorry you cant get the pleasure of meeting me. I wish you the best of luck trying to find that someone to better your life...in order to accomplish that, I suggest you to stop judging people before you actually get to know them.
I hope so. This whole week was the breaking point. I had to stand up for myself and say something. And I'm glad I did. Hopefully now I can be more upfront with you guys. Hopefully you won't look at me as the weak, timid girl who doesn't speak her mind. Now that I'm growing up, I'm realizing how much I can take in and how much I can do with just speaking up. I really hoped that the talk I had with each and every one of you helped...at least somewhat. I'm glad I heard your side, & I'm glad you heard mine. I really do hope you guys are there for me, especially through a time like this. I need all the support I can get, and hopefully you guys will be there for me. Yes, I understand youre all disappointed, 'cus I am too. I know I handled everything the wrong way...but I'm learning. I just pray that you guys are patient with me...& realize I aint perfect. I make mistakes and I am trying to fix them.
I am trying to change back, or at least for the better. You guys might not see it, but that's because I'm doing it ONE DAY, ONE PERSON at a time. Just know that everything can't be done all at once. All I ask for is patience, time, and support. Nothing more. But other than that, I'm glad we got everything out...well most. I'm assuming that's not all you gotta tell me. But I'm willing to hear the rest. Thank you for not giving up on me completely. I promise, I will show some progress.
So a lot has been going on...and I mean A LOT. Lots of school, friends, family, basketball, boyfriend. A lot of my time has been consumed by all of these things...not to mention all the small things. Well yesterday, I came to realize that everything that's been happening has been A LOT for me to handle. I pray every night that I get through every obstacle without any cuts or bruises. Everything that has been thrown at me are too much for words to explain...hence why I haven't been blogging for awhile. I don't know. Its just that every problem that I come across everyday just seems to build off the previous problem from the previous day, making things VERY hard for me to handle. But luckily I got good support and a strong backbone...my friends & boyfriend will ALWAYS be there for me. I just really hope that the mistakes I make everyday don't ruin this support of mine. I pray to God that I don't make the stupidest mistakes, 'cus "one bad choice can change the course of your life as can one good one".
