I don't get mad or annoyed easily, but the one thing that will piss me off more than ANYTHING is a flaker. To me, flakers are honestly the most UNTRUSTWORTHY type of people out there. When I first meet a person, I trust them. I'll admit I trust people WAY TOO MUCH. And when they eff me over, I'm the biggest emotional wreck ever! A simple "yes" or "no" answer can solve any problem. Like if I ask for a favor & you can't go through with it, PLEASE, just say "no" instead of having me wait for an answer. You see, the thing with me is that if I don't get an imidiate answer, like a "maybe" or "I'll see", I'll assume you're trying hard to make it a "yes". SO INSTEAD of wasting both our times, just gimme a straight up answer "no" if its a no or "yes" if its a yes. DON'T MAKE ME EFFIN WAIT TIL THE LAST MINUTE. I'm tired of trusting people too much. I'm tired of feeling upset when ish doesn't happen. I'm just SICK & TIRED OF FLAKERS! -_____-
If you're a flake, stay the F*CK away from me.
What I did Saturday was a mistake, I'll admit. I feel extrememly guilty not only because what I did, but also the way people look/think of me. Fuhh...I didn't think the sh!t I did would turn out the way it did...'cus I didn't think it was "that bad". Like honestly, I feel like the biggest dumbass right now, no effin' lie. When I talked to Nick about it, he made me feel like a complete failure. I HAVE MORALS, I KNOW MY STANDARDS...why the f*ck am I not following them? I don't know...but this "badass" needs to calm the f*ck down. I'm not the same Ria I once was. I know I'm changing, but not for the better. And for people telling me what I WANT to hear rather them telling me what I NEED to hear isn't helping me. I don't know what to do anymore. I really just wanna stop. I don't want to do anything stupid that I will regret.
And honestly, I don't know why the f*ck you're mad at me for? Why are you trippin' over something I did? Like honestly, TELL ME WHY YOU'RE MAD. Don't f*ckin' try to rush me off the damn phone, like what you usually do. F*CK THAT. I just won't f*ckin' talk to you then. Like I thought I made it clear that something was wrong when I couldn't promise you everything was alright...and you didn't stay on the phone with me? Alright then, cool. Just don't f*ckin' try to guilt trip me. I already went on a ton of those ever since Saturday. And when I told you about the guilt trip your cousin put me in, how I felt "SOOOO BAD" and I gave you this long ass explanation about it and all you could say was "okay"... LIKE WTF?! THAT'S IT?! -_- And what happened to not going to bed in bad terms, huh? But whatever...I can't do sh!t.
UGHHHH! Before I would never cuss and I would never forget my morals. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm really scared now...I don't want to change into someone bad, someone who's not me. I used to be known as the "good girl", but that's all changing. I can't take back anything I've done so I'm just gonna live & learn, just move on.
I need to remind myself of my morals; no more cussing, no more doing the stuff I've been doing, no more acting like I'm in a relationship when I'm not. I just need to calm down...its getting too much for me to handle. I'm slowly losing grip of myself...
Alright, well to those who told me what I NEEDED to hear, thank you. I really appreciate you guys for talking to me and for your guys' concern.
Its late, and I said what I needed to say.
I'm really not looking for sophomore year! FUH IT! -_-
We've been hitting bumpy roads in this journey we are traveling, but we got through them without a flat tire. All I can think about is you and me. The way we can solve ANY problem together is pretty amazing. Although last night & tonight have been a little rough for both of us, we got through them. I hope that everything that was said these passed two nights will really benefit our friendship/relationship. We still got a long way to go, but I feel no rush. Whatever the future throws at us, whether its good or bad, we'll handle it together. Although I know A LOT about you, I want to learn MORE...I mean, it doesn't hurt to be curious. I'm glad we had this talk, even though it didn't turn out the way I wanted...but I'm content with the outcome. Hopefully, August will be an eye-opener month, 'cus I'm down to learn so much more about you. Thank you for caring so much and taking the time to talk to me. OH & thank you for reassuring me everything will turn out fine (:
I MISS YOU, HOEEEEE/BABE! ;D <3
Why are you so paranoid? Why are you giving me so many restrictions? I am fifteen and yet you treat me like I'm five. I'm old enough to know right from wrong. I know how to handle myself. I don't hang out with the wrong crowd, and I don't go around doing drugs or smoking. I hate the fact that you don't trust me. I recently haven't done anything to lose your trust. I understand you're only giving me rules because you care about me, but seriously...LET ME LIVE MY OWN LIFE. Honestly, your rules are VERY UNREASONABLE.
1. Can't go out with my bros & their friends- WTF?! THEY'RE MY BROTHERS! Its not like I'm hanging out with only guy friends...these boys are FAMILY. -_-
2. Get picked up from quince practice at 8- WTF?! ITS NOT EVEN DONE YET! Okay, I'm at Yasmina's house...with ADULTS THERE. We're never home alone. -_-
3. Can't go to the movies with friends- WTF?! Its just a movie...you swear like we're gonna go out partying and ish -_-
4. Be home by 9- WTF?! THAT'S WHEN EVERYTHING STARTS! FUHHH! -_-
5. Take away my phone and laptop at 9- WTF?! I don't even use these things 24/7. AND ITS SUMMER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I can stay up as long as I want 'cus its mother effin' summer! SCHOOL HAS NOT STARTED YET!!
Seriously, you got to trust me. I have SO MANY examples in my life of what not to do. I know the consequences of almost EVERY SINGLE thing you can think of. You always give me lectures of how NOT to be, and I LISTEN. You swear like I'm gonna go around and get caught up in the wrong crowd. You raised me better than that...WHY CAN'T YOU TRUST ME?! UGHHH! -________-
