In my opinion, the word "sorry" is a word most used in vain out of all words. You either mean it or you don't. Most people say it cus they just don't want to be in trouble or keep fighting. Others say it because they truly mean it. When people don't mean it, its when they don't act upon it to redeem themselves. When people do mean it, they'll do anything in their power to prevent themselves from making the same mistake. I'll admit, I've used this word in vain, many times but who hasn't? We're only human, we make mistakes...but that isn't any excuse to continue making mistakes. Mistakes are made to be learned from. The more mistakes you make, the more lessons you're being taught. For me, I must go through things in order to learn from my mistakes...others try to prevent mistakes in general because of what others tell them. I'm very hard-headed and don't listen to people right away. I must go through things to learn my lesson. I don't listen to what people tell me to do. I was just raised that way. I've also been raised to take responsibility for my actions, that if I made a mistake, I must correct it myself and not blame anyone else but myself. Correcting a mistake isn't the easiest thing to do either, especially a mistake like losing someone's trust. Losing someone's trust is the hardest thing to compensate, to make up...but its possible. I just really hope I make it up before that person gives up on me. I feel low...so low that I feel that person doesn't feel the same way they once did about me, but that all comes with the mistake you made, the consequence. After making a mistake comes consequences. They are one of the hardest things to deal with because you THINK you don't deserve it, but you really do. I've tried searching for a scapegoat, but I have none. There are no scapegoats in life. You must go through every obstacle, every problem...whether it be now or later, you'll face it eventually. So why try laying it off? Fix your problems now before it gets worse. Unfortunately, I hope I haven't waited too long that its completely IMPOSSIBLE to fix my problem...hopefully he still trusts me enough that I will fix this problem cus I am really trying...
Stress=tears. Enough said. I'm tired, good night.
It is now the last day of March...nothing happened, nothing was solved. I am officially done.
I could believe all that you've said, but I still don't see how that blog wasn't for me. If it really were for "boyfriends in general", couldn't you just say that? "this all started cause of you";; I really don't see how you can get boyfriends from that. "we've already lost one";; okay, so you've lost me? I would've been somewhat fine if you stopped there, but you added "we'll see how that one ends up..." Honestly, that's really fucked up. What are you trying to say?
You have no clue how much I want to believe you, but all I see it BS!
So we've been through a lot. We used to chill and talk all the time! Coming over to your house to chill, when it was just you and I, or even with other people too. Taking crazy pictures, laughing at stupid stuff. First time going to a Christian church with you and your ex. You've been there for me and I've been there for you. I really considered you one of my best friends. We were soooo close! But things change...a new year has come.
With this new year, we grew, we changed. We aren't the same people we once were last year, BOTH of us. I got a boyfriend, you got a boyfriend. Yes...I did distance myself. I'll admit, it went against what I said last year. "Chicks before dicks". And I'm sorry...but I never stopped caring for you...any of you guys. I never went against you guys, nor I put you down. ESPECIALLY YOU. I never said anything against you or behind your back, after all, you were once so close to me. But it hurts to say that I can't say the same about you...
Even though you didn't straight up say my name in your blog...I know for a FACT you were referring to me. And you can say you didn't mean for it to come out like that...but that's what I heard, that's what everyone else who read it heard. You were so close to me...why, why would you say such hurtful things? I have not said a word to or about you in the past couple months...but now, I say your name everyday since I read your blog. And I'm sorry to say, but its not a good thing. You've hurt me...I don't know where to go from there. I wish I can still say you're one of my best friends, but I don't know anymore. What kind of "best friend" says those things? After ALL we've been through...but I guess we've changed that much.
But this month is coming to an end in a couple weeks...and I want to start fresh. I'm going to leave all that you've said about me in the past. I will try to get over it, but I know for a fact it will leave a scar in my life. With or without you, I will move on. I'm sorry for being such a burden in your life...but you won't have to worry about me anymore because after this month...I'm gone.
