Staring at the screen wondering how to put the things you want to say into words. Thinking of ways on how not to make it seem insulting or offending. Trying to explain your thoughts in words that others won't understand but the two of you do. But ending up not writing anything because there is no other way of saying it except just complete honesty. And eventually writing some bullshit blog because the one you truly wanted to write was a complete fail....yeah, one of those moments.
I believe that everyone has a certain roll in people's lives. For example, my girlfriends are my sisters. I can go to them whenever I need to vent or simply have fun. But I would consider myself a crutch...to anyone. I have a tendency to get close to certain people, especially when they need help. After their problem(s) is gone, all of a sudden, we start to drift. I am one who is there whenever you need me...not to tweak my own horn, but I believe its true. No matter the time of day or night, if you need me, I'm there for you. But I'm only there for the time you need me...I guess I'm not the type of person you would hold onto, like how you would with family or a best friend. I seriously think that that's how people consider me because I have yet to find someone who wants me there all the time. Everyone who I've gotten close to has left me. Or maybe its me? Maybe I need a crutch and I've left everyone who's been there for me. Who knows? All I know is that people come and go in your life. They helped you at one point, maybe even made you the happiest person alive...but time moves on and people change. Relationships change. You just gotta move on with life and appreciate them, your crutch.
I've been wanting to talk to someone for over a week now. Seriously been texting people asking if they wanted to chill, so I can just have people occupy my time and mind. Yeah, it helps but they can only do so much. The true strength is in myself, to keep my head up high and just keep my composure. COMPOSURE. Definitely the word of the day. If you didn't know, today was Walnut Girl's Varsity Basketball CIF game. We lost, if you were wondering. But the reason why I mentioned composure was because we didn't have that tonight in our game. We couldn't keep ourselves from falling apart. But as of this moment, I WILL have composure and I WON'T fall apart. I'm a strong girl, and I've been through a lot. Whatever doesn't kill me just makes me stronger. COMPOSURE, a quality every girl should have...especially in high school. Just know that you're not the only one who is having problems and that everyone will go through whatever you're going through...eventually. Its just up to the person on how they'll handle the situation. As for me, tonight I may have fallen apart...but tomorrow, I'll sure as hell be put back together and NOTHING OR NOBODY is gonna bring me down. Thinking back, I don't understand why I NEEDED someone there to comfort me cus I don't. I am my own best friend, and I know I have what it takes to push through anything.
