It is now the last day of March...nothing happened, nothing was solved. I am officially done.
I could believe all that you've said, but I still don't see how that blog wasn't for me. If it really were for "boyfriends in general", couldn't you just say that? "this all started cause of you";; I really don't see how you can get boyfriends from that. "we've already lost one";; okay, so you've lost me? I would've been somewhat fine if you stopped there, but you added "we'll see how that one ends up..." Honestly, that's really fucked up. What are you trying to say?
You have no clue how much I want to believe you, but all I see it BS!
So we've been through a lot. We used to chill and talk all the time! Coming over to your house to chill, when it was just you and I, or even with other people too. Taking crazy pictures, laughing at stupid stuff. First time going to a Christian church with you and your ex. You've been there for me and I've been there for you. I really considered you one of my best friends. We were soooo close! But things change...a new year has come.
With this new year, we grew, we changed. We aren't the same people we once were last year, BOTH of us. I got a boyfriend, you got a boyfriend. Yes...I did distance myself. I'll admit, it went against what I said last year. "Chicks before dicks". And I'm sorry...but I never stopped caring for you...any of you guys. I never went against you guys, nor I put you down. ESPECIALLY YOU. I never said anything against you or behind your back, after all, you were once so close to me. But it hurts to say that I can't say the same about you...
Even though you didn't straight up say my name in your blog...I know for a FACT you were referring to me. And you can say you didn't mean for it to come out like that...but that's what I heard, that's what everyone else who read it heard. You were so close to me...why, why would you say such hurtful things? I have not said a word to or about you in the past couple months...but now, I say your name everyday since I read your blog. And I'm sorry to say, but its not a good thing. You've hurt me...I don't know where to go from there. I wish I can still say you're one of my best friends, but I don't know anymore. What kind of "best friend" says those things? After ALL we've been through...but I guess we've changed that much.
But this month is coming to an end in a couple weeks...and I want to start fresh. I'm going to leave all that you've said about me in the past. I will try to get over it, but I know for a fact it will leave a scar in my life. With or without you, I will move on. I'm sorry for being such a burden in your life...but you won't have to worry about me anymore because after this month...I'm gone.
Cristian Ruelas is by far the funniest, most thoughtful, most caring, most understanding, most athletic, most adorable, most perfect boyfriend I can ask for. He's taught me so much within the 8 months we've been talking, 6 months we've been together. From the day you told me you liked me (June 18 '09) to now, I consider myself sooo blessed for having someone like you in my life. You're not only my boyfriend, but you're my best friend. I can tell you absolutely anything and I know for a fact you won't judge me but help me, and you won't say anything to anybody. You're so open to trying new things for and with me. You've opened up so much...you've brought me to your soccer games AND you've introduced me to your family (& not even all of them!). Days like those are days I'll NEVER turn down. (= Babe, you mean a lot to me and I can gladly say that I love you! Well that was just some random thought that I had to say. Thank you for such a chill day today! :DD
Okay, so this has been bothering me like CRAZY for the past couple of weeks...I just gotta let it out. Well to me I dislike it when a person talks "rudely" about someone behind their back, not necessarily gossip or spreading rumors...but just all the rude comments. Like sure, I've made mistakes and I've changed but that doesn't mean I've changed completely. I've learned a lot of things and I've learned how to handle things but I am not about to take every little insult about me lightly. Like seriously...we say that we hate it when people talk "shit" but we all do it. WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE HYPOCRITES?! I'm not saying I'm perfect and I don't do it...cus I'll admit, I have moments when I'm just so frustrated with someone that I just HAVE to bash them. But at the end of all of it, I feel bad cus I know it was just outta anger. I'm really trying to be a better person and do what is right and not talk about the negative things in people but the positive, or just not bring them up at all. Okay, to me, I think one of the most hurtful thing a person can feel is when someone close (or thought was close) to you says something rude about you behind your back...or even to your face. It hurts and you want to say something but it'll just cause problems. Seriously though, I rather be told that I'm doing something wrong rather than being put down all the time...and yes, there's a difference. When someone tells you you're doing something wrong, they're trying to help you by telling you what you need to fix. But when someone is putting you down, they're basically saying "idgaf about you, youre useless", and that hurts waaaaay more than any mistake you've made and someone trying to tell you to fix it. Like yes, people have told me to fix things and I don't take their advice and fix it, but that doesn't mean they have to start being rude and putting me down, ya know? I don't know, it just hurts...A LOT. Like you thought they would never say stuff like that about you...but they do.
Yes, I've made mistakes. I'm only human. Humans have feelings...that need to be handled with care. Honestly, I'm the most fragile person you'll ever meet and any small, rude comment said about me affects me SOOO MUCH that it hurts. Well...only from those who matter to me. And I'm sure I'm not the only one like that. Many people don't care for the opinions of people that don't matter to them. Actually, the opinions I care about are from the people who impacted my life so greatly...maybe not for the good, but anything big. Whether you left a scar in my life or a hand print on my heart, you'll ALWAYS matter to me. To those who are reading this and KNOW they've impacted my life in ANY way possible, please watch what you say cus deep down...everything you say is kept with me :/
