EFF TODAY MAN! today was chill in the beginning, ya know? it was my godsister's dad's birthday party today! i came home around 8ish 'cus there was school tomorrow. anyways, when i get home, my dad starts yelling at me. i'm like "WHAT THE F*CK?" -_- sh*tttt...plus, i was all buzzed so i'm like double the "WHAT THE F*CK?!" i get all pissed, starting yelling & sh*t. like i effin' swear, i think this was the most pissed i got EVER. -_-
anyways, later, jerome texted me saying my friend was in the hospital for "hyper ventilating". they think it was 'cus of his girlfriend...effin' raising his blood pressure & shiii! THE FUH?! WHAT KINNA GIRLFRIEND DOES THAT?! -_- so i was effin' scared, so i start asking all these questions. hopefully he's fine.
F*CK! today was good, tonight was horrible! shiii! i started crying -_______-
EFF MY MO'EFFIN' LIFE!! X91849258590!
but friday & saturday was bomb!
why the eff did today have to ruin my weekend?! EFF! >:[
to forgive is to forget.
i'm barely at the stage of forgiving...& i highly doubt i can forget.
i feel so disappointed & broken. i know tomorrow is your birthday & as much as i want to greet you, i can't 'cus apparently...we're not in good terms. well first i talked to my friends about a good way to greet you a happy birthday. MOST of them said i should, only a couple said i shouldn't. anyways...i decide i should, so you know that i still remembered. i asked my friend, if i should tell you in person or through text [either way it will be awkward but at least it you know i still care]. she said to text you first so i know if you're willing to talk to me.
Sent: April 21, 2009, 9:52 P.M.
"hi"
i finally had the balls to text you in how many weeks? about two months. i'll admit, i didn't want to, but i did. 'cus i thought to myself "what do i got to lose?" i waited...& waited...& waited...no reply. i texted my friend again telling her that you didn't text back...she told me a lot of stuff that opened my eyes, mind, & heart. i feel so stupid for believing YOU & NOT believing MYSELF. i had feelings that i chose to ignore. i'm an idiot, a stupid teenage girl who obviously can't make good judgements. it hurts 'til this moment that everything you've done, everything you've said to me was all BULLSH*T! again...i believed you & not myself...
i honestly don't know what to do. i WANT to be friends with you, i WANT to talk things out, i WANT things to be good between us...but those are all "wants"...i don't NEED them. so i'm just gonna forget about you. you obviously don't think about me anymore...you obviously don't care anymore...since you moved on that fast, i will too. now...i know i'm not gonna be as fast as you, but i'm willing to forget EVERYTHING; every text, every call, every hug, every kiss...all will be forgotten. i hope that someday, someone will ask me about you & i'll reply..."who is he? i do not remember him." ONE DAY, i hope that will happen...ONE DAY.
as of now...
i just want to wish you a happy birthday...
OH & have a great life.
lates.
so apparently, april is mainly supposed to be a month where there's nonstop rain, right? BUT NO RAIN. that's a good thing, to those who hate the rain. anyways, its been raining a lot lately....well to me. it seems like i haven't seen the sun ever since spring break started. basically, what i'm trying to say is that my SPRING BREAK SUCKS! nothing good has happened. the only good day was wednesday, the day that i chilled with my good ol' pal, mathew del rosario. that fool shined some effin' light to my dull self. well anyways, that was basically the ONLY good day of spring break for me.
lets see, friday, april 3, was a good day. celebrated walnut's last pep rally [GLOW IN THE DARK!], plus my friends & i celebrated ms. zerreyna's early birthday. so that was a good day. saturday...alright day, very chill. ivy, the cousin, slept over til sunday...that's when the rain started. oh, i was effin' pissed sunday night. just some personal crap got to me that was so intense that it made me cry. monday..another rainy day. cried again, due to friend drama. [read previous blog "apologies don't quite solve anything"] tuesday...rainy day. cried AGAIN, due to the anger of my parents. [read previous blog "040709; birds fly away"] i know whatchu thinking..."ria is such a cry baby! she cries about everything! blah blah blah" honestly, i can care less whatchu think, this is how i handle my shiii. what can i say? i'm very emotional. anyways, wednesday...THE ONLY GREAT DAY OF SPRING BREAK. i felt so rebellious, sneaking outta the house while i'm supposed to be grounded. [lame, right?] lol. && NOW thursday...chill day, whack @ss night. shoot dude, i know i'm such a goody-two-shoes & i don't tolerate people who do stupid sh!t like steal. MOTHER-in-law! -_- i effin' swear. i can never let crap like this go...
april...oh how i hate you so much right now...YOU HAVE NOT BROUGHT ME A SUNNY DAY! but hey, you're supposed to be the month full of rain, right? i should've saw this coming...
hopefully, the month of may will bring me some hope after this horrible month...'cus i need some light, some inspiration in my life. PLEASE APRIL, go easy on me...i'm not only but a cry baby...
