forgive & forget?

to forgive is to forget.

i'm barely at the stage of forgiving...& i highly doubt i can forget.

happy birthday

i feel so disappointed & broken. i know tomorrow is your birthday & as much as i want to greet you, i can't 'cus apparently...we're not in good terms. well first i talked to my friends about a good way to greet you a happy birthday. MOST of them said i should, only a couple said i shouldn't. anyways...i decide i should, so you know that i still remembered. i asked my friend, if i should tell you in person or through text [either way it will be awkward but at least it you know i still care]. she said to text you first so i know if you're willing to talk to me.

Sent: April 21, 2009, 9:52 P.M.
"hi"

i finally had the balls to text you in how many weeks? about two months. i'll admit, i didn't want to, but i did. 'cus i thought to myself "what do i got to lose?" i waited...& waited...& waited...no reply. i texted my friend again telling her that you didn't text back...she told me a lot of stuff that opened my eyes, mind, & heart. i feel so stupid for believing YOU & NOT believing MYSELF. i had feelings that i chose to ignore. i'm an idiot, a stupid teenage girl who obviously can't make good judgements. it hurts 'til this moment that everything you've done, everything you've said to me was all BULLSH*T! again...i believed you & not myself...

i honestly don't know what to do. i WANT to be friends with you, i WANT to talk things out, i WANT things to be good between us...but those are all "wants"...i don't NEED them. so i'm just gonna forget about you. you obviously don't think about me anymore...you obviously don't care anymore...since you moved on that fast, i will too. now...i know i'm not gonna be as fast as you, but i'm willing to forget EVERYTHING; every text, every call, every hug, every kiss...all will be forgotten. i hope that someday, someone will ask me about you & i'll reply..."who is he? i do not remember him." ONE DAY, i hope that will happen...ONE DAY.

as of now...
i just want to wish you a happy birthday...
OH & have a great life.

lates.

sister lovin'

the rain is slowly stopping...FINALLY. the days are becoming less cold & bitter. today was a good day. went to the mall to eat, went to the park...didn't even get to play, BUT I DROVE A CAR FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME :D [thank you karl libramonte] lastly, i went to kimberly's house (: OHH MANNN! i miss lin & kim...all the st.martha people :[ i'm glad we got to chill for the first time in forever! gooooooood times <3 we talked, we laughed, we played HORSE. xD went on the computer & blogged? WTF? xD called ray...a.k.a. kim's cousin's loverrrr ;D ANYWAYS, GREAT DAY. i needed it (: thank you kim & lin & danielle <333

we talked about a lot shiiii! we reminisced about sooo much. memories. they helped me with drama. EFF DRAMA. i love them sooo much :] <3

P.S. kim told me whatchu said & sadly i gotta say this but...because of you, my heart was broken for the second time this year...

anyways, kim & lin helped me through this heartbreak...they really did. they helped me forget about boys & the drama they bring. they helped me realize that being sad & depressed won't fix anything. they make the lamest jokes to help put a smile on my face when all i want to do is cry. they are my best friends, my sisters <3

april showers

so apparently, april is mainly supposed to be a month where there's nonstop rain, right? BUT NO RAIN. that's a good thing, to those who hate the rain. anyways, its been raining a lot lately....well to me. it seems like i haven't seen the sun ever since spring break started. basically, what i'm trying to say is that my SPRING BREAK SUCKS! nothing good has happened. the only good day was wednesday, the day that i chilled with my good ol' pal, mathew del rosario. that fool shined some effin' light to my dull self. well anyways, that was basically the ONLY good day of spring break for me.

lets see, friday, april 3, was a good day. celebrated walnut's last pep rally [GLOW IN THE DARK!], plus my friends & i celebrated ms. zerreyna's early birthday. so that was a good day. saturday...alright day, very chill. ivy, the cousin, slept over til sunday...that's when the rain started. oh, i was effin' pissed sunday night. just some personal crap got to me that was so intense that it made me cry. monday..another rainy day. cried again, due to friend drama. [read previous blog "apologies don't quite solve anything"] tuesday...rainy day. cried AGAIN, due to the anger of my parents. [read previous blog "040709; birds fly away"] i know whatchu thinking..."ria is such a cry baby! she cries about everything! blah blah blah" honestly, i can care less whatchu think, this is how i handle my shiii. what can i say? i'm very emotional. anyways, wednesday...THE ONLY GREAT DAY OF SPRING BREAK. i felt so rebellious, sneaking outta the house while i'm supposed to be grounded. [lame, right?] lol. && NOW thursday...chill day, whack @ss night. shoot dude, i know i'm such a goody-two-shoes & i don't tolerate people who do stupid sh!t like steal. MOTHER-in-law! -_- i effin' swear. i can never let crap like this go...

april...oh how i hate you so much right now...YOU HAVE NOT BROUGHT ME A SUNNY DAY! but hey, you're supposed to be the month full of rain, right? i should've saw this coming...

hopefully, the month of may will bring me some hope after this horrible month...'cus i need some light, some inspiration in my life. PLEASE APRIL, go easy on me...i'm not only but a cry baby...

040709; birds fly away.

today i got grounded. people might think its a stupid reason to get grounded for...oh well! sooo like my grandpa asked me & my family to take care of his 11 parakeets while he vacations in the philippines with my grandma. we agreed. ANYWAYS, today my friend, jerome, comes in & tells my bro, louie, that the birds are gone. apparently, some stupid ass cat tips over the bird cage & ALL 11 BIRDS FLY AWAY! -_-

we went to petsmart to replace the birds before anyone finds out, but THESE EFFIN' BIRDS ARE ABOUT $20 EACH! THE FUHHH?!?! so we ended up telling my parents...OF COURSE they were pissed, since they were at work & couldn't do anything about it. so me & my bro are grounded...DURING SPRING BREAK! FML! -_-

damn birds, who buys 11 birds?! such an odd number! & WTF?! $20 EACH?! shiiii!

hopefully, my parents will laugh about this when they come home...OH I'M SUCH A JOKER! -_-

bye bye birdies, i hate chu.
bye bye spring break...you weren't that great anyways...yet.